66

PITY FOR THE FOE.
LAY the might of Russia low!
Pity for the prostrate foe?"
No, my BRIGHT, my GLADSTONE, no:
RUSSELL, GRAHAM, say not so.
Let Ambition's mangled slave,
Cruel, barbarous, but brave,
Not in vain for mercy crave;
Him, the unit, spare and save.

But what pity for the horde,

And their CZAR, on earth who pour'd
Forth the plague of fire and sword,
Can humanity afford?

Pity, such as that we take,

On the crush'd and writhing snake,

Smitten, in a thorny brake,

With a strong arm and a stake.

Pity? yes, indeed; the same

As, his sting about to aim

At his own head, girt with flame,
The poor scorpion too might claim.

Pity-as we do the fall

Of a tiger shot-his sprawl,
And his frantic dying squall,
And his glaring green eyeball.

Oh, the lost, the brave, the good!
Oh, the waste of noble blood!
Pity Russia!-he who could,
Would be like a leg of wood?

GERMAN CRITICISM.

(Compounded from certain popular Berlin recipes.)

Ir a German critic were describing some of our most popular performers, it would be probably thus that he would largely qualify them: Napoleonheadedand Napoleonmindedgeniusthatallthingstouchingandallt BENJAMIN WEBSTER, ESQ.-" The neveramessmaking Benjaminwith hingsadorningwithequaltalentonthe British Publicasonthefiddleplays."

E. WRIGHT, Esq.-" The jollyjovialwinkinggaggingdearmopsy wopsy bricksywicksysonof Momus withstitchinthesideprovokinghumourandfrom overlaughterdeepthirstonly with beertobequenchedexcitingtalentthatoften withhis Boy Believingyou'roundasabarrelribbed Paulinendlessmazesoffan losesitself."

RACHEL-France will be happy to hear it-has given satisfaction in America. Just before her début, the Yankee critics very properly remarked, that a most important epoch in her life was approaching, and that the question, whether she were "clever" or not, was to be settled by "an audience as intellectual and subtle as that which first sat in judgment upon her." Indeed, the value of the test was increased by the fact,-recorded in the same papers-that the American mind was a tabula rasa in regard to her, and that the intellectual and subtle audience assembled in some doubt as to what they were to see or hear, one journal having described her as a great danseuse," and another having congratulated "the lovers of good music" upon her arrival. However, New York has now found out-and of course talks as glibly of the discovery as if it were of ancient date-that there were some French Dramatists called RACINE and CORNEILLE, who wrote "the most boring plays ever heard in America," and that RACHEL really delivers MISS WOOLGAR." The manysidedfacilelitheblithe Proteanplasticwo their language brilliantly, and with a very pure French accent. Nay, shedactresseverdancingeversing inglaughinggailyandbeautifullysighinger nderbeautifulboygirlwomanfairy devilpoachergipsytigerandmostaccompli rushing into extremes, as usual, the Americans actually find histrionic merit in the bundle of Hebrew sticks whom RACHEL takes about with yingdying suchasatalltimesonour kneesevenwithoutapockethandkerchieft her to fill the other characters, the innocent Yankees being unaware okneeluponcanneverbesufficientlyadmired." that all the acting permitted to those articles is the acting as foils to herself. Let it be added, that RACHEL'S slight figure has been duly appreciated, and that the leading New York critic describes it as, "very light physical timber." Punch felicitates Paris upon the endorsement of its bills-play-bills-by New York.

The Jumping Wafer.

THE priests in France now announce a new miracle about twice aweek. The last is a jump which the "wafer" made, in church, from the hand of a person who ought not to have touched it, to the missal of a very devout lady, and thence into her mouth, which happened, providentially, to be open at the time. This was clever, for a wafer, though we confess the greater miracle seems to be, that a priest should print such a story and not be sent to St. Pélagie as a rogue, or to Bicêtre as a fool. However, the Jumping Wafer is the last addition to the repertoire of the Roman Catholic Wizard of the South, and is a worthy companion to the Winking Virgin.

S. PHELPS, ESQ-"The manageractormightymajesticmagneticmirth fulinthedivinerealmsofheavenly Shakspearedomwithoutarivalnearthethro nereigninghighesteitherwiththeearsof Bottomourfanciesirresistibly to tickl eorwiththewandof Prosperoourheartsgently to touchwithgeniustintedquali tieseminently gifted."

MRS. KEELEY.- "The domesticquainttragicfamiliarextravagantnatur

alkillingmeltingexstacyproducingskytransportingspoutascendingchimne ydescendingkitchenstirringparlourmovingatticconvulsingkidglovesplitti sdeeply honouredandofoneof England'ssmallest butgreatest comediansofth ngbuttonburstingand heartyappetiteforouroystersuppersprovokingactres enameof ROBERTbutmore familiarly as BOB KEELEYknowntheequallyhonou redwife."

extravagance. We
therefore not disposed to
be very hard on a Gover-
nor, who gives a cheap and

wholesome lemonade to a population saturated with strong drinks; and who offers limited supplies of "twopenny to a crowd, whose usual beverage is described by the greatest possible combinations of the letter X, or consists of other still more stimulating compounds. It says little for the élite of society in Melbourne, who would probably be the guests at the Governor's ball, that they clamoured against the feebleness of the beers supplied at the Governor's table. It is clear, however, that he has deeply wounded the feelings of the Victorians by not ministering to their animal appetites, and the disappointment has been the subject of various witticisms which do not say much for the state of waggery in Australia. The following advertisement, extracted from one of the Melbourne papers, is about the

THE WOMEN'S FRIEND SOCIETY.

Ir is not very easy, if we look abroad upon the world, to find a more atrocious kind of savages than the Russians; wretches who fire on their own comrades, if in murdering them they have a chance of shooting their enemies; miscreants who bayonet their crippled helpless antagonists; demons who set the haunt they are expelled from on fire, and leave their own miserable sick and wounded men to burn alive in the ruins. The subjects of the KING OF DAHOMEY, or those of the Sovereign who rules the roast of the Cannibal Islands, may be a little more disgusting in their customs, but in conduct they are not at all more barbarous than the slaves of the CZAR OF MUSCOVY.

A more anticelestial set of brutes than the Russians we do not see in the world if we look abroad. No; but ruffians of a yet lower grade are to be found by anybody who will look at home. He has only to walk into the London slums, when his ears will be assailed by the most hideous yells, the most revolting words, and the most blasphemous curses, uttered by those ruffians, and mingled with the most piercing and dreadful screams, which proceed from women whom they are beating, kicking, and trampling to death, and who are their wives.

A Russian female has, or had, on the occasion of her marriage, to present the male with a whip, usually manufactured by herself, in token of her subjection to the stronger brute: but it does not appear that even the Muscovite serf is accustomed to thrash his wife with quite the frantic ferocity of the British blackguard.

The outrageous maltreatment of women is becoming a specific crime, which will soon, probably, acquire a distinctive title in legal nomenclature. The criminal will perhaps be formally indicted for Womanbattery; and provision that, if convicted of that dastardly offence, he shall be duly punished, should be the object of an Association hereby proposed, to be called the SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO WOMEN.

best of the squibs which have been let off, like a small shower of damaged fireworks on a damp day, at the expense of the Governor :

RE

ETURN BALL.-To His Excellency the Governor of the Blues. Victoria, SIR CHARLES HOTHAM, K.Č.B., Rear Admiral of Several Gentlemen being Highly Gratified with their reception at TOORAK HOUSE, on the evening of the 24th of May last, the Anniversary of the Birth Day of

HER MOST GRACIOUS MAJESTY THE QUEEN, And having fully appreciated the Lesson of Economy which His Excellency so graciously and feelingly taught them that evening, have entered into arrangements with MR. CUTITFINE, to give a RETURN BALL to His Excellency, On the 24th of June next, And are happy to say that, in order to bring it within the reach of all parties,

Tickets are 18. each. Ladies Free.

This seems to be a discharge of very small shot against SIR CHARLES HOTHAM'S Ball, and it is only fair to the Governor to say, that if he exhibits economy in his public entertainments, it is not for the sake of pecuniary profit to beneath him, he sets the good example of voluntarily himself; for while he practises retrenchment on those relinquishing a portion of his own salary. In a colony where animal indulgences are eagerly sought, while intellectual pursuits are almost entirely neglected, a lesson of abstinence from the grosser kind of gratifications should be regarded as a subject of encouragement rather than a theme for ridicule. Even in our own more civilised society, a wholesome example would be set by any one in high quarters who would hold out some nobler inducement than gluttony to bring people together. Somebody has already introduced the fashion of "dancing teas," and we wish somebody else would boldly establish boiled-beef-and-beer balls," in opruin the host, while damaging the digestion of his visitors. position to those extravagant quadrille suppers which half

66

Plain Facts for Plain People.

It is a question, whether a Physician holds his hand out to a Patient when he comes with half so much pleasure as when he goes.

The Man in Armour fancies you are staring at him, whereas he is inside the armour, and you cannot well see him. The truth is, you are looking at the armour outside the man.

A Bell is a handy hint, when a Bore will not take any other hint to go.

infliction of an extreme and acute amount of bodily suffering, pain, and unpleasantness.

Whipping is for brutes; and only for those brutes that are incorrigible by any other means. A dog ought not to be whipped for any purpose which could be answered by coaxing. But the habit of walking on two legs, and the faculty of speech, are not sufficient to constitute a human being; and the brute who beats women has no sensibility to appeal to but that of his skin. He cannot be degraded; he has sunk to the zero of baseness, and is fit for nothing but to be lacerated by the cat-of-ninetails, that he may howl and scream, and stand as a scarecrow for a warning to other brutes like himself.

The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Women should endeavour to get a whipping-clause added to the Women's Protection Act as soon as possible.

If the Whip will not suffice, add the Pillory. It will not demoralise the populace to cast any filth on a recipient much fitter for it than any cavity or corner.

A Fortunate Scotchman.

AT a meeting held at the Gordon Hotel, Covent Garden, for the purpose of getting up a Testimonial to SIR CHARLES NAPIER, a gentleman, named LAWRENCE, is reported to have remarked that—

"He believed that a brave man had been basely treated, and that certain incapable members of the Government had been allowed to go Scot-free when they ought to have received chastisement."

The head of those incapable members, LORD ABERDEEN, is a Scot who has gone more than Scot-free. The noble but anile Earl has gone Scot-gartered.

A MARRIAGE QUESTION.

It is quite clear that the object of this Society can be accomplished IF a man addicted to smoking marries a widow, does it follow that only in one way, namely, by securing for the cowardly offender the he must lay down his pipe, because she gives up her Weeds?