Charles (who is rather addicted to betting, and talking of Goodwood Races). "WE'VE GOT SUCH A JOLLY SWEEP AT OUR CLUB!"

Constance. "A SWEEP, CHARLES!-WELL! I NEVER THOUGHT MUCH OF YOUR CLUB FRIENDS, BUT I DIDN'T THINK YOU ASSOCIATED WITH PEOPLE OF THAT SORT!"

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

June 11th, Monday. THERE used to be an Irishman, called ROCHE, in the House of Commons. In the old times he was rather vigorous in his co-operation with the Irish agitators, but having set his mind upon an frish Peerage, he became, latterly, a very decorous bore, and behaved as dutifully to the Government as such an aspirant is expected to do. So PAM gave the decent man his peerage the other day. But the law enacts that in order to prevent the country being over-run by aristocrats with the brogue, these Irish peerages shall be limited in number, and LORD DERBY contended, to-night, that the law had been violated by turning ROCHE into LORD FERMOY. It seems a small matter to squabble about, but it is referred to a Committee of Privileges to find out whether ROCHE is a rightful Lord or not.

In the Commons, one of the Education Bills was again discussed, and after a sensible speech from MR. ADDERLEY, and we need hardly say a silly one from LORD JOHN MANNERS, SIR JOHN PAKINGTON addressed himself to answer MR. HENLEY'S speech of the 2nd of last May, and implored the House not to mind a word that HENLEY had said. The debate was again adjourned.

Tuesday. LORD SHAFTESBURY incurred the wrath of the Bishops by proposing an alteration in the law which makes it illegal for a member of the Church of England to assemble more than 20 people for religious purposes in his own house. The BISHOP OF OXFORD was very pathetic in his resistance, and was good enough to explain that he saw no very particular harm in laymen assembling to read the Bible, and offer petitions to the ALMIGHTY, but that he was afraid that legalising the practice would induce people to pretend to be members of the Church of England, when they were really wicked Dissenters. This horrible possibility compelled him to resist the Bill, which only just escaped rejection. It may as well be mentioned here that the same conviction wrought so mightily upon the pious spirit of that eminent Christian and Horse-racer the EARL OF DERBY, that, later in the week, he felt himself bound to shelve the Bill, by referring it to a Select Committee. Perhaps he thought the next innovation would be the singing a

VOL. XXVIII.

A SALLY IN FAVOUR OF OLD HARRY.

Of all the Peers within the House,

(And pretty well I know 'em),
There isn't one with half the nouse
Of gallant HENRY BROUGHAM.
If others won't amend the laws,
There's one the way will show 'em ;
One who's in earnest in the cause-
The zealous HENRY BROUGHAM.
If foolish arguments are raised,

He to the winds will blow 'em;
And dull obstruction falls amazed
Beneath the weight of BROUGBAM.
If difficulties mark his course,
There's none aside will throw 'em
With half the intellectual force

Of gallant HENRY BROUGHAM.

We for his equals look in vain,

"Twill take some time to grow 'em :

So let us hope we shall retain

Some long time yet-Old BROUGHAM.

hymn in the Grand Stand at Epsom, while the course was being cleared.

The Commons discussed a very important subject, capitally initiated by MR. W. BROWN, namely, the Decimal Coinage. As most of the speakers (except LORD PALMERSTON) understood what they were talking about, there was a very rational debate, which ended, as Mr. Punch thinks, in a very rational manner; that is to say, in the affirmation, by a large majority, that the introduction of the decimal system, by means of the Florin, had worked satisfactorily. The public (including LORD PALMERSTON) must be made to comprehend the subject a little better before legislation proceeds further.

Wednesday. The Sunday Trading Bill was debated in the Commons, and the discussion was a strong contrast to that of the preceding night. The most painful nonsense was talked, especially by LORD ROBERT GROSVENOR. To be sure, no great wisdom can be expected from a man who is the patron of attorneys and homoeopathists, but one scarcely expected to find a Lord ignorant of the physiology of Hyde Park. He actually adduced, in proof that the rich respect the Sunday, the fact that there are far fewer carriages and horses in the Park on Sunday than on week-days. As if la créme de la créme did not make a practice of keeping out of the Park on that day, and going into the country, because it is the Snob-day, not because it is the Sunday. Mr. Punch repeats his protest against shutting the market against the working-man's wife, before compelling his employers to pay him his wages in time to enable her to buy by daylight on Saturday; and, while he is about it, he may as well protest generally against all partial interference with liberty. If a milkman is to be arrested for carrying his pails-the lawful calling by which he earns his bread-let a flunkey be arrested for carrying his lady's bag of books-the lawful calling by which he earns his bread. And, as the legislators may like to see how astonished a flunkey would look, if the Sabbatarians were really consistent, Mr. Punch has this week afforded them the means of doing so.

Thursday. The case of the poor needlewomen of London was brought before the Lords, and it was proposed that the number of hours during which these unfortunate creatures are obliged to labour should be cc)

limited. If the Bill passes the Lords, political economy will prevent its going further. But if the Ladies who are good enough to attend the Opera would exert themselves,-first, by giving their milliners ample time to make their dresses, secondly, by refusing their patronage where over-severe labour is known to be demanded, and thirdly, and chiefly, by discouraging the system of employing able-abodied young fellows (who ought to be in the Crimea) to stand behind counters and sell feminine flannels and stockings, to the exclusion of the shopwoman, they might render invaluable service to their humbler fellow country women. The Commons actually gave up nearly the whole sitting to subjects affecting the interest of the Colonies-the exception being the time occupied by the tools of the Scotch clergy, in impeding a measure for promoting Education.

Friday. The debate on Administrative Reform at last commenced. The Member for Nineveh, in a manly, candid, and energetic speech, in which every statement was substantiated by evidence, exposed the present system of mismanagement in the various Services. SIR BULWER LYTTON, for the Conservatives, charged the existence of the present system upon the Whig Oligarchy, and upon LORD PALMERSTON; and MR.

MILITARY PANTOMIMES.

GLADSTONE, for himself and LORD ABERDEEN, said that they had been going to do wonders of reform, only they were turned out before they could accomplish it. He, however piously bid MR. LAYARD "God speed." The adjournment of the debate was carried, on division. MR. LAYARD'S dissection of the Army system was very complete, but none of the Heehaws answered him, preferring to have Saturday and Sunday to blunder and stumble over the report, and to get some civilian to explain to them "what the fellah was driving at." The milingtary utterances were reserved for a later part of the debate. The only exception was a little Hee-haw called - by Jupiter, forgot"-Brickdust-Bath-brickBathstone-no, Mr. Punch can't recal it, but it was some name that reminded him of the kitchen floor-and the_owner_was desperately anxious to have it known that he was not at Drury Lane Theatre on Wednesday night. As if anybody cared where he was, or knew who he was, or would think the better or worse of a cause for its being honoured with his countenance.

This same Friday the Royal Assent was given to the precious Newspaper Stamp Act-so in fourteen days from that date it comes into operation.

THE FYNN CORRESPONDENCE.

ANTOMIMES never SOCIETY is indebted to SIR R. W. CARDEN for the publiresembled auy-cation of an interesting series of letters, which may be thing in real life termed the Fynn Papers. They form a correspondence until the antics between a gentleman with the signature of R. V. FYNN, of some of the and certain young ladies who have replied to advertisements Officers and Gen- inserted in the papers by that gentleman. For some years, tlemen belonging it appears from MR. FYNN's advertisements, MR. FYNN has to the British been on the point of making a tour through Athens, Smyrna, Army. We are Sicily, Spain, and other parts of the globe, and has wanted not aware whe-a travelling governess to instruct two boys who were to ther the 6th Dra-accompany him on the excursion. He has been willing to goons have any give the governess a liberal salary, say £100 a year, but has inscription on required her to bring £70 or so with her, as a sort of their flag; but security, to defray therewith her own travelling expenses we think the during the trip. He has expressed a preference for a canwell-known clownish exclamation of " Here we didate under the tender age of 21. These advertisements are!" might be adopted as an appropriate have been replied to by various young ladies; who in return motto for the regiment. Now and then we have received elaborate letters, explanatory of the writer's hear of some professional buffoon, who claims views, especially with reference to the £70 and the means to be the wearer of the mantle of GRIMALDI of its safe conveyance by the proprietress to a rendezvous. but we really think that the real inheritor of One of the epistles is dated from Hamburgh, and another that rather seedy garment may be found among from Heidelberg; which localities would be rather inconsome of the Officers of HER MAJESTY'S Army. veniently distant from England for a girl under 21, without An Amateur Pantomime may be an admirable friends, and without money; having been dished out of her thing, as we have seen that it can be, on the entire capital-amounting to some £70. stage of Drury Lane; but such a performance in a barrack, where the tricks involve a real destruction of property, where a real uniform is thrown into a real bath, and a real tail cut off a real horse, can only bring discredit on the actors. Canterbury has been famous for its private theatricals; but henceforth its barracks will be the reverse of famous for its Amateur Military Pantomime. The victimization of a young Cornet as "a Swell," whose clothes are torn off his back by his brother Officers in the character of Clown and Pantaloon, and the tricks of the bed-room scene, with the destruction of a set of shirts, are all within the scope of such a Harlequinade as we might expect to see during the holidays. We have no doubt that the Pantomime writers of the day will avail themselves largely of the contributions of the 6th Dragoons to the "business" of a Christmas piece of the old school, and the "mock duel" will form a very telling incident. Each theatre will probably take the point most suited to its own peculiar resources, and while Astley's will give preference to the docking of the horse's tail, Sadler's Wells, with its reservoir of real water, will most likely illustrate the Military Pantomime trick of soaking the uniform.

We will not conclude without offering a suggestion to the NELSON LEES and other kindred geniuses who are usually charged with the important office of furnishing Christmas Pantomimes. We would propose that one of the most remarkable changes that was ever witnessed on the stage might be effected if Harlequin were, with a touch of his wand, to turn certain Officers of the 6th Dragoons into real Gentlemen.

THE name of the architect who builds most of the castles in the air is "Tomorrow," and Hope lays the foundation.

The Pride that holds its head too high rarely picks up anything; whereas Modesty, like a diver, gathers pearls by keeping its head low.

Blows and cuts are felt more keenly after a dispute, in the same way that wounds hurt a great deal more when the battle is over.

A Man pauses, hesitates, and requires time to study a woman, whereas a Woman will read you a dozen men at first sight.

But can the fraudulent acquisition of that sum have been the design of MR. FYNN in putting forth his successive advertisements? Has he been employing a considerable time in plotting and planning schemes for swindling young and belpless females ? Had not the police of the country, which he honours by residing in (it, therefore better be advised to look after him? Oh!-certainly not. By no means, of course. Still it would be satisfactory to submit a letter of MR. FYNN's to one of the professors-if their profession can be trusted-who profess to discover character by handwriting, in order to remove any little doubt that a suspicious mind might entertain on that subject. SIR R. W. CARDEN appears to have none, and evidently regards MR. FYNN, in the character of advertiser, as somebody very like a whale: though perhaps others may consider the shark more analogous to FYNN than any other individual of the finny tribe.

As Good as Gold.

A NEW Bill relating to the qualification of Justices of the Peace has recently been introduced into the House of Commons. When we saw the announcement we were in hopes that it was intended to provide a body of really qualified men for the position of County Magistrates. We find, however, that the old system of qualification by money is still to be kept up, and that the money is to continue to make not only the man but the Justice. Gold is still to be the standard of value, in morality as well as in means, and SHYLOCK's theory of "a good man" being a "sufficient man," is to continue to be the rule by which we estimate private worth and public virtue.

DR. JOHNSON IMPROVED.-The first Whig was a regular "OLD SCRATCH."

SAYINGS OF ENGLISH SAGES.

IBTHORPE: The
Whigs have plenty
of confidence, but in-
spire none. Rogues
generally hang to-
gether in ropes, like
onions. An auc-
tioneer does as he
is bid-a postman
as he is directed.
Chaff generally
arises from tread-
ing on a man's corn.
For bringing up a

THE ROYAL PENSION LIST.

ABOUT the richest paragraph we have lately read in the public papers, is one consisting of a few lines headed with the interesting words, "The Pensions of the Royal Family." We learn from this pithy little article, that while we pay foreign princes for marrying our princesses, we pay our own princesses when they are married to foreign princes,a state of things not very complimentary to the ladies of our Royal Family. Surely our AUGUSTAS and SOPHIAS ought not to be considered such very bad bargains that we should be expected to pay the MECKLENBURGS and other small German potentates who take them off our hands, and who are in a position to support their own wives and families. We can only hope that we shall get something by way of compensation when our own little Princes are old enough to marry; for if a German Prince is worth fifty picture, there's no- thousand pounds a year-the sum we give LEOPOLD-an thing like beer-English Prince ought to be well worth double the money. and its the same

with a voter at an
election. Algebra-

ical problems are mostly solved by the power of ""-political problems by XXX., and both unknown quantities. The militia is the mainstay-at-home of the country. The Cap of Liberty is almost always a Mob-cap. The Crown of France is now having its Third NAP. Bread may be the staff of life-but to get the Staff, you must first produce the Tip. Show me a man's sole, and I'll tell you the size of his understanding. If the world is a "Veil of Tears," it may be as well to get some one to take up the Tears, and have the Veil fresh sown. What would the Cream of Life be without Strawberries? When a politician turns his coat, it's a sign he's getting a little out-at-elbows. I never met with but one perfect specimen of DogLatin, and that was Cave Canem." The most sheepish eye is decidedly a pope'seye in a leg-of-mutton. There is a F. PEEL in every administration! At a charity sermon the "Collect" comes after the Service is over. The only nickname that was literally a nickname was Old Nick for NICHOLAS. I have no confidence in the following things-in railways, in sausage pies, in Ostend rabbits, poetry, cheap clothes, patriots who make a practice of dying upon the floor of the House of Commons, Radicals, MR. H. DRUMMOND, the Crystal Palace, or in Whigs-much less in Ministers, or in newspapers, street music, or any other kind of organs.

The Millenium of Teetotalism.

(To be drawn by GE-GE CR-KSH-NK.)

WHEN every drunkard shall be seen dipping his mug into the Well of Truth.

A CON FOR THE AGRICULTURAL MIND.

WHEN does a Cow make good meat ?-When it's (S)potted.

ECONOMY.-Economy is the art of drawing in as much as one can, but unfortunately young ladies will apply this "drawing in" to their own bodies, when they wish to avoid anything like a "waist."

A COBDEN PROVERB.-A man may hold a candle to enlighten the People, so as to burn his own fingers.

the rat is expected to run a hundred nights; and reasonable is such expectation; for it will run upon nothing meaner than the most sumptuous carpet of velvet-pile, surrounded by the most costly furniture, The piece is to be called A Rat! A Rat! Dead for a Ducat," and will have the advantage of being represented with the entire strength of the omission of Hamlet. However, to return to the Drama in the

THE DRAMA IN THE QUEEN'S BENCH. CERTAIN managers keep, as they keep, maids-of-all-work, dramatic poets. It is of course indispensable that they should speak a little French. Generally, foreign couriers have, we have heard, the preference. Be this as it may, the manager keeps his dramatist upon a weekly salary, and for such salary has the whole run of his head. Some Queen's Bench. MR. SERJEANT BYLES irreverently observed of the of these persons have a happy knack of mixing half-a-dozen French farces in so original a manner that they make one English "screamer." They take French vaudevilles, as you would take French eggs, and breaking them and beating them all up together, they make thereof a thorough English pancake. We know a distinguished egg-cracker who begins to grow gray, another who is wholly bald, upon pancakes so compounded.

talented CATCHPENNY, that he had been engaged by the Managers of the Royal St. George's, "as their stock author, just as a horse was used at Astley's to attract."

"THE CHIEF JUSTICE. Or an ass. (4 laugh)."

Now, our respect for the drama compels us to protest against the irreverence of the SERJEANT, further blackened into profanation by the LORD CHIEF JUSTICE OF ENGLAND. In the first place CATCHPENNY was not hired and considered as a horse. The creams and piebalds at Astley's have their full feed of oats and hay, with medicinal green food, warm mashes, and so forth as they require. Moreover, their coats are always in the very best condition, with never a hole in them. Is it MR. SERJEANT BYLES, on behalf of CATCHPENNY, that if he were engaged as a horse-it was the horse Pegasus! Yes; my LORD CHIEF JUSTICE, contemptuously jocular in your ermine !-Pegasus; and not as you would infer-Pegasinus! If you must have your joke, my Lord, with genius, at least your wit might have stood upon something higher than a donkey, it might at least have taken a zebra. (That, between ourselves, would have been a juster description of the dramatist of the day. A poor donkey, that suffereth stripes.)

However, it is a very laudable custom, and is only another proof of the high estimation in which the drama is held in England-in the county of Surrey particularly-that sometimes as much as four pounds are given for an affecting play. Last week there was a trial in the Court of Queen's Bench corroborative of this cheering fact. Such a play had absolutely been produced at the Theatre Royal, St. George's-ever thus with the dramatic bard? We fear not. We beg to state to in-the-Fields. The Eton Grammar tells us (Boni pastoris est, &c., &c,) that it is the part of a good shepherd to shear but not to skin his flock. The manager of the Royal St. George's was a beautiful illustration of this merciful axiom. He had employed a poet, named CATCHPENNY, to go to Paris to "procure materials for a piece." Most perseveringly, most industriously, did CATCHPENNY fulfil his mission. The very earliest of chiffoniers, he might be seen at daybreak, now before the doors of L'Ambigu, now at the Odeon, raking and poking about whatsoever lay there. So much had he at heart the interests of the Royal St. George's that one morning he had a manly stand-up fight with SMALLBEER, the English author of the Theatre Royal, Oxford-street, over the body of a dead rat before the door of the Porte St. Martin. CATCHPENNY, with his educated eye, seeing the rat, and thereupon believing that it might be resuscitated-or galvanised, or in some way "originally adapted "-for the Royal St. George's was about to whip it into his basket, when the priceless vermin was espied by SMALLBEER, and laid claim to. Whereupon, the two artists commenced a fight with a vigour and earnestness of which such artists alone are capable. They had had several rounds when, in the scuffle, another rat was kicked up from the rubbish. There now being a rat a-piece, the fight terminated, and the combatants embraced. That rat, originally adapted, will be brought out at the Theatre Royal, Oxford Street, next season; its skin embroidered with cloth of gold regardless of expense; with a new tail of Malachite (the history of which will be given in the bills); and real diamond and emerald eyes:

However, the LORD CHIEF JUSTICE tried to make some amends. For in summing up, he "commented on the wretched spectacle of men of genius and talent, supposed to be writing pieces which were to live for posterity as samples of the literature of the age at £4 a job." The inference was very kind of LORD CAMPBELL; but really there is no such thing. CATCHPENNY would as soon think of cutting his hair for posterity. As well believe that the poodles at the Pont Neuf are trinimed for posterity, as that the pieces originally adapted from the French, and supposed to be as everlasting as the Bulls translated from Nineveh. Besides, we are credibly informed-need we say, that we are only too happy to give currency to the cheering truth-that CATCHPENNY had more than £4 a piece, although with the generosity of noble natures, the managers of the Royal St. George's refused to plead it. MR. CATCHPENNY bad a very comfortable truckle-bed under the stage with the run of the gallery, after, the fall of the curtain, for the chance of dropt half-pence.

Flora. "OH, LET US SIT HERE, AUNT, THE BREEZE IS SO DELIGHTFUL."
Aunt. "YES-IT'S VERY NICE, I DARE SAY; BUT I WON'T COME ANY NEARER TO THE CLIFF, to Russia, the best thing we can do is to let

FOR I AM ALWAYS AFRAID OF SLIPPING THROUGH THOSE RAILINGS!"

Policeman. "I SAY, THIS WON'T DO. YOU MUSTN'T FOLLOW YOUR OCCUPATION ON SUNDAY."

JUNE 23, 1855.]

[PUNCH, No. 728.