Ex-Superintendent stooped near the Commissioner, and held his head down while the Commissioner buckled the Hat-Band on the Ex-Superintendent's Hat, the Waterman pronouncing the usual admonition to be ready to "buckle to" on all occasions.

The Ex-Superintendent again shook the Commissioner's hand, and having been congratulated by all the other Chaps of the Chapter retired. The Mistress of the Wardrobe, the Lady's Maid in Waiting, and the following flunkies of the Household were in attendance:The Steward, the Groom of the Horse, the two or three Sad Sticks at Waiting who had been engaged as waiters, a Gentleman Usher of State, and a Blackguard Usher (from a neighbouring school) in a disgraceful state.

AGRICULTURE IN THE SUBURBS.

in

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. Monday, February 5th.-In the Lords, poor LORD ABERDEEN was obliged to get up, and with as amiable a face as he could assume (it would be cruel to be critical under the circumstances), to announce that the man who had branded him with the title of Antiquated Imbecility, had been sent for by HER MAJESTY, and made Premier of England. Their Lordships, who, with all their shortcomings, are kindly and humane gentlemen, instantly, and with the greatest commiseration, proposed to adjourn, in order not to detain LORD ABERDEEN at such a period of affliction. They received the Fisheries Bill and immediately hooked it.

In the Commons, Ex-President of the Council LORD JOHN RUSSELL made a variety of complaints touching the castigation he had received from the DUKE OF NEWCASTLE. He declared he had never known that the Duke had offered to resign, and added that LORD ABERDEEN had E wish some great agri- behaved very rudely to himself in not telling him about it. Also he cultural authority would let out that (contrary to all his declarations for the last year) he had enlighten us on the not considered ABERDEEN" by any means a vigorous and determined causes which create the supporter of the war." It is as well to know this, because it is another enormous difference in illustration of the habitual sincerity of our rulers. The Duke would the price of bread with- have done, he said, had ABERDEEN been energetic and warlike. He then in and just around the went into some details, about which nobody cares, and admitted that metropolis. We should his not resigning when he first discovered that the war was being misreally like to be informed managed was an error.' He apologised for going out when he did, how it is that a four by saying, modestly, that had he stayed in, and so saved the Ministry pound loaf can be sold against his conscience, his feelings would have been very painful. He the Borough for then said that the QUEEN would have allowed him to make a Ministry, eightpence, in Chelsea and that he tried, and found that people would not act with him. for ninepence, and in Finally, he expressed sorrow for the omissions for which GENERAL Brompton for tenpence, EVANS had attacked him, but remarked that LORD RAGLAN had done while in Kensington it justice to the Second Division, with which rather curious excuse for is not to be produced his own laches, LORD JOHN RUSSELL finished himself off, and then -or at all events sold- MR. GLADSTONE rose and argued, at some length, that great part of for less than tenpence- LORD JOHN's statement was erroneous, and that the rest was halfpenny. Is the Bo- inconvenient. rough a better corn- Tuesday.-LORD ST. LEONARDS presented to his fellow peers a bill growing district? Is for the better protection of purchasers from judgments, but omitted to the soil of Southwark explain that it was not intended to protect them from the consequences more fertile? Is the of want of judgment, or to poke a hole in contracts whereby pigs in air of Bermondsey more pokes are conveyed. A purchaser is to be bound by any registry of balmy than that of the judgment made within five years of his purchase, and if he makes a other localities, where foolish purchase such binding is to be considered calf. bread is sold at exorbitant prices? It would be a great boon to the public if a sort of agricultural commission were to be appointed to inquire into the causes of these enormous differences in the prices of bread, which are quite beyond our comprehension; for though we admit that Kensington is not a corn-growing district, we believe that Southwark is equally destitute of food producing facilities.

Perhaps the investigation might comprise the subject of the causes that operate to keep bread at the same price, notwithstanding a fall in the cost of flour. Perhaps importation may be prohibited at the gates of Kensington, or possibly the Kensington farmers-if such a body should happen to exist somewhere in the back streets of the town may be protected by a heavy duty. Whatever may be the cause, we are all familiar with the effect, which makes bread differ some twenty per cent. in price at places within three or four miles of each other. If there is no prohibition on importation, we should recommend some baker from the East to charter a cart two or three times a week for the West, where any amount of bread at a fair price would be eagerly, purchased by the inhabitants.

A Coming Speech by a Gallant Colonel. "SIR,-I rise to observe that the least said is the soonest mended. With respect to the detestable doctrines of MR. BRIGHT, why, it is well known that what is one man's Quaker is another man's poison. If two blacks made a white there wouldn't be so many Uncle Toms on the Treasury Bench. Brag was a good dog, but he thought Do was a better. It was cauld kail at Aberdeen; because as he (the Colonel) had said before, fine words buttered no parsnips, which proved to the confusion of the lot of rubbish just shot out, that with respect to the war, you could not bar the door of the country with a boiled carrot!"

A New Family Time-Piece.
(Adapted for Kitchens, Servants' Halls, Larders, &c.)

In the Commons, a MR. BENTINCK, of all men in the world, took upon himself to think that the country ought not to be without a Government, as if he himself had not voted in the majority that turned the last out, or as if any body cared for what he thought. SIR CHARLES WOOD desired him to hold his tongue. MR. WHITESIDE, the Irish lawyer (who is supposed to share with MR. ROBSON, of the Olympic, the power of putting himself into a violent rage at the shortest notice, and on the smallest provocation), gave an Irish echo of BENTINCK. MR. SCOTT astonished the House by saying rather a sensible thing, namely, that the country had gone on for a week without a Government as well as for two years with one, and MUNTZ was equally rational in observing, that the people were kept waiting while two or three aristocratic families were settling their differences. Poor MR. MALINS, who is an opposition barrister, and who has for a long time been talking about everything, at merciless length, (Mr. Punch need not mention why Parliamentary barristers do such things), complained that his party had no voice in the Government. MR. MALINS must talk a little more-LORD DERBY not being yet in a position to appoint law-officers of the Crown. MR. ROEBUCK explained that he fully intended to have his Committee on the War, but wished to have the best men in the House, and as some of these might be about to take office, he must wait and see whom he could get. SIR GEORGE GREY (now the Home to enter the ring on his own account, and that preliminaries were being Secretary), announced that the veteran Bottle-holder was at last going adjusted.

Tiverton, and South Wilts, PALMERSTON and SIDNEY HERBERT having Wednesday-MR. WHIPPER-IN HAYTER moved new writs for to go through the form of re-election. LORD PALMERSTON has addressed his constituency in a warlike epistle, and they have sent up "their compliments and he'll do, and needn't trouble himself to come down." MR. GLADSTONE, still, Mr. Punch is happy to say, Chancellor of the Exchequer, took a quiet million and odd on account of the estimates, and rext day another and more odd, altogether £2,800,000, but Mr. Punch apologises for alluding to such a trifle. He also robbed MR. JOSEPH HUME of a phrase, the latter having once (it is said) observed that honourable members might laugh, but he was speaking seriatim. MR. GLADSTONE promised that the Navy Estimates should be so discussed. There was a good deal of complaint about the mismanagement of the war, but as MR. GLADSTONE and SIR CHARLES WOOD made it a particular request that members would drop the subject,—

IN China, according to the missionary M. Huc, it seems to be the fashion to tell the time by looking at the eyes of the cat; and we have no doubt that in England, also, the mistress of an establishment, by descending occasionally into the kitchen, and watching a little the movements of that great Edax Rerum," the cat, would be all the they did. better enabled to tell " What's o'clock?

Thursday.-EARL GRANVILLE, the new President of the Council,

and Government leader in the Lords, made a spirited little speech on reporting himself to their lordships, and declared that the paramount object for Parliament and Government was the vigorous and active prosecution of the war. Mr. Punch, who was sitting on the steps of the throne, observed condescendingly, "Bravo! GRANNY," and upon LORD CRANWORTH looking round indignantly, was pleased to add, "I didn't say CRANNY." (Shouts of Laughter.)

DRAMATIC INTELLIGENCE.

of

R. SLAP, a retired Clown, on whom the mantle of GRIMALDI fell some years ago, contemplates the reading of Mother Goose and some other celebrated pantomimes. It is understood that Hungerford Hall will be taken for the occasion, and an orchestra will be engaged to accompany the vocal portions the entertainment, which will include Hot Codlins Tippitywitchet. The score of the former has been long in the hands of an eminent maestro for revision, and Tippitywitchet will be produced with a double brass band, strengthened by six additional ophiLORD LANSDOWNE said that he had advised the QUEEN to send in cleides. If the reading of Mother Goose should answer the expectations succession for DERBY, RUSSELL, and PALMERSTON. He also, very that have been formed by the retired Clown, he will probably read politely, entreated "that noble institution, the Public Press," to be the Drury Lane Pantomime, Jack and Jill, when the run is over. cautious, at the present crisis.

LORD DERBY, encouraged by the good nature of the House, trespassed upon it most awfully by a long statement as to why the Conservatives had not brought in a motion of censure, and why he could not make a Government, and so forth. The points of his speech were these: 1st, That as the opposition muster only 280 men in the Commons, they are not a majority, and therefore can't keep office, Here he might as well have stopped, as his other explanations savoured of the nineteen reasons why the Governor did Rot fire a salute, the first being that he had no guns. However, he alleged, 2ndly, That if he had taken office LORD ELLENBOROUGH would have joined him. 3rdly. That SIR BULWER LYTTON would have done the same, notwithstanding MR. PAUL CLIFFORD's irreverent references to the above lord. 4thly, That LORD PALMERSTON was a very popular man. 5thly, That he had called upon LORD PALMERSTON, and offered to make a new Coalition with his lordship, GLADSTONE, and SIDNEY HERBERT, and promised that DISRAELI should be done out of the leadership of the Commons, (to which, if the Tories came in, he has an equitable and almost a legal title) if PALMERSTON would join. 6thly, That LORD PALMERSTON was very polite to him. 7thly, That LORD PALMERSTON agreed with him on certain points on which no two sensible men differ. 8thly, That LORD PALMERSTON and the other two gentlemen wrote to him that they really could not coalesce. 9thly, That in his opinion the Conservative party should not rashly and prematurely undertake the Government of the country. The rest of his speech was an apology to his own men for not ramming them into office against the feeling of the country which would have marched them out again in double quick time.

"MR. PUNCH,

and

LORD MALMESBURY next got up, and showed his extreme fitness for the office for which he is so eager, by prolonged and dreary blundering over one of the simplest matters in the world. Mr. Punch, and some other, and inferior journalists, have long argued that the aristocratic system of the army is an exceedingly bad one. Dull "I am a citizen of the United States, located here in your bit LORD MALMESBURY supposed that the complaint, instead of referring of a metropolis, with no letters of introduction, which I don't to the rank, wealth, and influence generally, which place the army need, for haven't I my own card, and here it is, which I send in by in the hands of the upper classes, meant that nearly all the officers any serf in livery-(Uncle Toms in plush and powder I guess)-wherwere sons, or nephews, or cousins of peers, and the stupid man had ever I may determine to drop a callbeen getting an Army List, and a Peerage, and counting on his fingers, to disprove the supposed charge. As it was, he showed a great array of aristocratic names in the list, and Mr. Punch would be heartily glad of it (for the young nobility are very gallant fellows), if the owners of those names had made their way upwards by sheer merit, and that BROWN, JONES, and ROBINSON could do the same. MALMESBURY also complimented the press by showing that it never stooped to his capacity. LORD PANMURE, the new War Minister, then made his initiatory speech, and promised to be valiant, as became an ex-officer of the 79th Highlanders, and also to employ nobody except those who merited employment. Their Lordships then adjourned for a week.

JONATHAN HICCORYNUT,
MANKIND ARE MY BROTHERS,

AND MY HOME IS THE WORLD.

it-about your bit of a metropolis, I yesterday bought a spick-span"Well, wishing to know everything-and to take no time in doing new book, just out, called Curiosities of London, by JOHN TIMBS, F.S.A. with fat and lean, like a wedge of bacon, but there's no use in hiding I'm bound to say it, the book is a good meaty book; thick and streaky the fact; the book doesn't do what's right towards the United States.

as

In the Commons, LORD JOHN RUSSELL, as a private member, brought in an Education Bill. Some members spoke of the condition of the army, and LORD JOHN proceeded to educate them rather severely. And here it is. He declared that we had 28,000 men in the Crimea, though there were "The Aztecs are American citizens. The citizen who brought only 12,000 rank and file actually on duty. GLADSTONE had ventured 'em to England for the edification of the Britishers is on a similar statement. There is evident juggling with phrases and he told me himself - under a bail-bond to the PRESIDENT at figures, but the subject is too solemn to be treated as Mr. Punch treats Washington, to the amount of one million of dollars, to return the most Parliamentary nonsense. LORD JOHN then talked of the attacks critters to the soil of Colombia. Well, MR. TIMBS doesn't say a word of "a ribald press," but it would be unkind to an unfortunate little man, whose political character has been so miserably tarnished of late, to be hard upon him while smarting under complicated humiliation. Friday-ADMIRAL BERKELEY explained that all that SIR CHARLES NAPIER had said at the Mansion House dinner was untrue, and that his old friend was a most indiscreet old man, which was probably the reason why he had been appointed to command the noblest fleet that ever left England.

The House adjourned for a week, to re-assemble when Tiverton has re-elected PALMERSTON, the People's Premier.

about 'em in his new book, which I consider is an insult to the stars and stripes. But that's nothing to what's to follow. There's MISS CHARLOTTE CUSHMAN-she's American property, too, and of the right grit. Well, there isn't a letter of her name in MR. TIMBS's work, more than of the Aztecs. Now, is this the right thing to heaven-born American genius ? When we supply the greatest curiosities to London, is it 'cutting the right line, and never minding into whose faces the chips fly' (as that sweet, honey-mouthed virgin, FANNY FERN, declares)-not to say a word about 'em in a book that should

brim over with 'em?

Still, Mr. Punch, I am no friend of the EMPEROR OF RUSSIA-however good a customer he might be to us-and I've no wish to be hard upon MR. TIMBS. All I want of him, then, is this. Let him in his second edition do the right thing, and among his Curiosities in London, give a proper place to the Aztecs and MISS CHARLOTTE CUSHMAN'S Romeo. For ain't they all Curiosities, tho' which is the bigger it is not my determination to say. All I want is, justice to Colombia, and am yours,

"JONATHAN HICCORYNUT."

WELL, JACK! HERE'S GOOD NEWS FROM HOME. WE'RE TO HAVE A MEDAL." "THAT'S VERY KIND. MAYBE ONE OF THESE DAYS WE'LL HAVE A COAT TO STICK IT ON?"

A Set-to between "Pam, the Downing Street Pet," and "The Russian Spider."

FEBRUARY 17, 18:5.]

[PUNCH, No. 710.