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such nonsense. Although an old whig might be supposed to speak Wednesday:— The Commons on the same subject, and COBDEN exwith authority as to such a fact, DERBY was unconvinced, rebuked plained that the war was of no use, and that peace ought to be made. LANSDOWNE for levity, and advised him to copy his own uniformly John Russell, in return, promised a great many more vigorous warserious and dignified behaviour. HARDINGE thought the bill had better measures. pass, so it did.
GLADSTONE. promised a bill for securing the deposits made by the GRAHAM explained how the Prussians had done him about the Thetis, poor in our Savings Banks. He made the same promise two years and the evident feeling of the House was that he had no business to ago. City people, however, thought him in earnest this time, and that go about swopping HER MAJESTY's ships for any rubbish that might he wanted the money which was invested by these banks, so the Funds be offered him.
went down. Blunders, as usual, having been made in the vote of thanks, the names of ADMIRAL STOPFORD and others were stuck in by way of post
Thursday.-The Militia Bill was read a second time in the Lords, script, but as BRITANNIA is a lady, it must be considered specially everybody, except the Government, appearing convinced that it ought flattering to be mentioned in the most important part of her com
not to be. munication.
The Commons had some more speechifying upon the Enlistment Bill,
but nothing was said that deserved or received the slightest public Tuesday.—The Commons began their battle on the Foreign Enlist- attention. ment Bill. Join Russell, to everybody's surprise and regret, did not go back farther than the time of QUEEN ELIZABETH for arguments.
Friday:-Final fight on the Enlistment Bill, and BRIGHT clearly Bulwer Lytton opposed the bill, objecting
to beggarly birelings, and shewed that the war was wrong, first, because the Turks were not then a number of other men on each side repeated and diluted the virtuous men or energetic tradespeople, and secondly, because, in fightreasoning of the leaders, but it is useless to refer to the debate, because ing, people were killed, The House, more mindful of RUSSELL'S that had nothing to do with the result. Government told the House threat than Bright's logic, again affirmed the principle of the that unless the Bill passed they would resign, and a Dissolution would measure. follow. This at once secured a lot of men who have a wholesome
MONTEAGLE, in the Lords, moved for some financial returns, and by dread of their constituents, and after Dizzy had made some garbled implication expressed a hope, that when the Budget came out quotations, and let off a few damp oratorial fireworks, John RUSSELL MR. WILLIAM GLADSTONE would not be found to deserve the name of praised the Government, a little more, for the truly noble way in which
Deficiency Bill. ihe war was carried on, SIBTHORPE abused him, LORD BLANDFORD Saturday.- Various legislative formalities having been transacted in made some proposition about having prayers, and the Bill was carried both Houses, the Parliamentary nuisance was abated until the 23rd of by a small majority.
NO MORE PILLS NOR ANY OTHER MEDICINE !
PUNCH FOR 1855
over, at the SAVES fifty thousand times its cost in novels, and cures no end of calpable and criminal things : including sleepiness, sulks, stupefaction, poverty of ideas, neglect shown by public bad temper, spleen, nausea (after listening to the speeches of the Peace writers in reference to Society), dulness, depression (from a visit of the tax-collector), snobour greatest men.
You bism, muffiness, and general debility of intellect, loss of literary appetite
" But, Sir, there are with a liberal any more than a conservative diet.
AWAY WITH THE BLUNDERBUSS! patience sparkling out with vivid flashes of incarnate indignation.
" Whyois a BOBADIL not despatched to take Sebastopol ? If RAGLAN We laugh at the idea of the wooden pistol with which some-would is 'invisible,' other people are not, or inaudible either.
they were more-of the Russian soldiers are armed. The wooden “Yours, obediently,
pistol is a reality, thanks to the roguery of Muscovite contractors; a
reality and also a sham, not a mere sham: or else we should be dis“ TIB's,
“ W. BOBADII., Lieutenant-General.” posed, Hibernically speaking, to pronounce it an invention without " Wednesday."
existence: or should at least conclude it to be a species of pocket
pistol adapted to be charged only with ammunition of the raki species. SHERIFF'S OFFICERS IN THE RUSSIAN ARMY.
However, the British dragoon is armed with a weapon about as useless
as a pistol of wood. This is the carbine: with which a competent The Czar has had recourse to a species of Foreign Enlistment, in authority states that a good shot may hit a hayrick at 80 yards. If pressing the Hebrews into his diabolical service. The Continental this is a more eligible arm than a wooden pistol it is so simply for the Correspondents of other journals inform us that the Imperial Miscreant same reason that a kitchen poker would also be preferable to that toy. has ordered a levy of ten in every thousand souls in the eastern half of It can be clubbed in close encounter : otherwise the pistol of lighter his Empire, and that the Jews are not to be excluded from this levy. material and lighter cost would be more suitable of the two to light Hence the levy may consist wholly of Jews, and superficial minds may cavalry, if not to heavy: Brown Bess will soon be quite sent about infer that, as among us, nine tailors make a man, so, in Russia to her business : which is to protect corn from sparrows-without injuring constitute one LEVY, it takes ten old-clothesmen. By forcing these the sparrows-and Brunette Bess it is to be hoped will accompany the Levies to enter his ranks, NICHOLAS may also be considered by old woman. An English archer formerly carried as many enemies' intellects of the same slight order to be endeavouring to emulate the lives as arrows at his girdle; why have not our dragoons the lives of ancient fame of this country, renowned of old for its bill-men. Those as many Russians at their belts as there are barrels to a revolver ? who take a deeper view of things will probably regard the Autocrat's conscription of the Jews in the light of a desperate measure, to be tried, as a last resource, against those troops which he has bitberto found invincible: for certainly, if any thing could induce any British Our numerous metropolitan friends are respectfully entreated not to Officer to take to his heels, it might be the sight of a gentleman of the confound the foreign regiments hired to fight under our colours with Hebrew Persuasion.
those native troops who are known to them as the (H)irish.
CAUTION FOR COCKNEYS.
| The Russian Eagle in its diet is thought to exhibit a THE WAR AND THE COUNTRY.
trait of the vampire, as it is supposed chiefly to support
itself by sucking the life-blood of the country which it HE breath of war is an ill broods over. Its propensity to fighting, also, betrays a
wind; but it blows good to taste for carrion, which is likewise foreign to the aquiline
It may sound a little strange to apply to a bird the
The Common Eagle, ranking generally as the King of boots are hobnailed, and who Birds, we may call the Russian, in antithesis, the Emperor. lament, not to say rejoice, in smock-frocks. Ito them it blows, at the utmost, twelve shillings a week. Away from them it blows weekly, thirteen
and-fourpence-in the case of an average paterfamilias " or proletarian--that sum representing a bushel, the necessary measure of flour alone; the price of the loaf being 91d. Earning no more than twelve shillings a week altogether, and spending as much as thirteen shillings and fourpence in bread only, it follows that the agricultural labourer has just one shilling and fourrence less than nothing, out of which to pay for rent, fire, soap, candles, and the means, in short, of satisfying any of his wants, which exceed those of a pig. How he is to carry on the War under these circumstances, the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER Only knows, if he does know: surely, not by paying the year's expenses out of the year's income. Honestly he can only solve the problem by a recourse to a loan: which he is not likely to find negotiable. Three courses only are open to him; courses not followed by dessert. Besides borrowing, he may beg or steal: and the former alternative not being likely to suffice, he has every temptation to adopt the latter. That course, even in its modified form of drawing on the bare and pheasant preserve fund, involves an expense to the country and the neighbourhood so very considerable, that the agricul. turists of the tops may reasonably entertain the question whether, as compared with the maintenance of prisoners, the payment of sufficient hire to the inferior agriculturists is not more cheap and reasonable after the rate, and therefore much to be preferred before the rate, that is to say, the Country, Rate.
THE RUSSIAN EAGLE.
Falco Bifrons, Smith. L'AIGLE PERFIDE, Jones. Tuis bird has lately been attracting such attention that we feel induced to i spare it a few inches of what our correspondents are continually telling us is
valuable space," (although perhaps none should know its value better than ourselves): and we are the more inclined to do so, as we believe it hitherto has been left quite unnoticed by our natural historians, for the reason, we suppose, that its character and habits are so perfectly un-natural.
The Russian Eagle is distinguished by such singụlar properties, that we are somewhat uncertain with what tribe we should class it. If it belongs to the Eagle
NAVY IN HEAVY MARCHING ORDER. family at all it must certainly, we think, be considered a disgrace to it. One of the chief members of that family, indeed, (we allude to that of France) has of late openly suspended the relationship: while that of America, at least shows no signs of
CHRISTMAS FESTIVITIES. sympathy. It is thought, moreover, that ere long the Eagles both of Austria and Prussia will alike see the policy of cutting a connection which has iately more have been omitted from the newspapers, which have care
The following Holiday Movements in every day life than ever proved discreditable.
The Russian Eagle may be best described perhaps, as a nondescript creature, fully chronicled the fact that "SIR SOMETHING NOBODY uniting the voracity of the vulture with the malice of the magpie, and the has a small party at Snobbington” and other great thievery of the raven. Its aquiline extraction is principally shown in the length truths of equal weight and significance :of its talons, with which it clutches greedily whatever comes within its reach. The CLOWN at the Victoria Theatre has been enterAlthough not unfrequently it soars to higher prey, it will stoop in general to the taining a dress circle of friends during the Holidays. Hot meanest object, and is addicted especially to pouncing like a kite on the weak and Codlins have been supplied to the company in the course the defenceless. When baulked of its prey, it does not hesitate to show fight; of the evening. but, in spite of its enormous size, there are many who will back a Turkey against it. POLICEMAN X. had a "party" at the Station House
BUFFon compares the Eagle to the Lion, and contends that “strengtb, magnanimity, on Boxing Night. and courage” are the attributes of both. But were any buffer now to institute Railway officer, SNOGGS, has been surrounded by a very a parallel between the British Lion, and the Russian Eagle, he would soon find numerous circle during the holidays. he had made a comparison to the full as “odious" as the proverb hints.
MR. Baggs left his seat-in the office-on Saturday night, Unlike the Eagle tribe in general, the Russian Eagle takes considerable pains for Kentish Town, to pass the Christmas Holidays. He in feathering its nest; which it chiefly accomplishes by taking sick relations under resumed his official duties as the clock struck nine on its wings, as if for the purpose of giving them protection. When intending a Tuesday morning: Swoop, it shows great cunning in disguising its intention; but like the magpie, it MR. and Mrs. Brown and their Children are staying with frequently outwits itself by. over-acting, and they who watch its movements Mr. and Mrs. Green and their Children. Mr. and Mrs. closely may soon see what it is really aiming at.
SMITH and their Children are expected to join MR, and From the devotional attitude it assumes so frequently, the Russian Eagle may MRS. GREEN and their Children as soon as Mr. and MRS. be strictly called a hird of pray. Indeed, the lower orders of that country have BROWN with their Children have concluded their visit: been taught to invest it with most sacred attributes, and have made it, like the there are no other guests staying with Mr. and Mrs. GREEN Ibis, an object of veneration; and, in fact, almost of worship.
and their children at present.
HOW JACK MAKES THE TURK USEFUL AT BALACLAVA. British Officer. “Hallo, JACK! WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT Now?"
Jack. “WHY, YER HONOUR-Yoo SEE RIDING'S A DEAL PLEA SANTER THAN WALKING ABOUT HERE, AND WHEN THIS CHAP's TIRED-I MOUNTS T'OTHER COVE!”
BALLOONS FOR WARFARE.
portance, what would be the difference ?" Of course, if it's all the same to the Aeronaut it would not signify a great deal to us,
but we had rather that he should remain a living voyager in the EVERYBODY, including of course, all the nobodies
, would seem to air than drop down to the earth in the unprofitable capacity or have some peculiar plan for finishing off the war in a successful and in-capacity of a dead failure. The Aeronaut undertakes not only expeditious manner. The last place we should look for the means to observe, but to make himself the subject of observation by of carrying on hostilities with vigour is up into the air; but never a series of signals, through the medium of which he proposes to theless an aeronaut has “ that Balloons are the means required for the Siege of Sebastopol and point out the movements of the enemy. This is to be effected by an the smashing of Cronstadt. If this theory is correct, LORD, RAGLAN would be blown about in all directions possibly, except that which it ought at once to be superseded by the " veteran GREEN
or the ought to take, and thus the signals would be converted into signal intrepid ” MRS. GRAHAM. If sieges could be conducted against the Russians as easily as they tive purposes," by taking up some shells, which should be “light to lift failures. The Aeronaut also proposes using
his Balloon for destrucare managed at the Surrey Zoological Gardens, if Şebastopol in the but terrible to fal,” and so arranged
as to avoid the fate of CAPTAIN should not only advocate the introduction of a Balloon, but we should himself, went off in an opposite direction to what he intended.” go farther, and demand that the General commanding-in-chief should
“And by what means," asks the General, “would you let off your ascend to the citadel on a tight-rope, amidst a splendid display of
missiles." fireworks. Unfortunately, however, we learn from Mr. STOCQUELER, at the Gallery of Illustration, that bastions and other little matters are an electric communication, or by another contrivance which you must
“ Either by fusees," answers the Aeronaut, "a liberating trigger, or something more than mere pasteboard-and though the War makes a very interesting Panorama. it would not answer to allow it to be treated excuse me, General, for not mentioning, as I hold it a secret. as a mere show by those who are engaged in conducting it. We until it is revealed we must be excused for refusing to call on LORD
This secret will probably be kept to all eternity, and, at all events, recommend our aeronauts to stick to their own, element—the air— ABERDEEN to adopt Balloons for warfare, or to blow up the Comand not attempt to rush into the heat of an enemy's fire.
One of the intrepids," who has gained a high position by his mander-in-Chief literally high sky high, till he makes the air the basis Balloon, has published a díalogue between himself and a General, who
of military operations. is, of course, now represented as beating a retreat in an argument against the employment of balloons in battle. The aeronaut proposes
A Fair Case for the Sibthorpites. to hover in his balloon over the enemy's position, and take observations of what is passing, but he forgets that a passing shot might happen to
COLONEL SIR JOHN M. BURGOYNE, writing in reference to the catch his eye in a rather disagreeable manner. The “ General” in the recruiting system, declares, imaginary conversation with the aeronaut, ventures on this sug
"I do not believe there are a dozen recruiting parties in the whole county of Beds." gestion, and is met by the heroic reply from the man of air, “Supposing, We do not ask what are the Ministers about in Beds? There, at General, that I was shot dead in obtaining information of vast im- / least, they are asleep.