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such nonsense. Although an old whig might be supposed to speak Wednesday. The Commons on the same subject, and COBDEN exwith authority as to such a fact, DERBY was unconvinced, rebuked plained that the war was of no use, and that peace ought to be made. LANSDOWNE for levity, and advised him to copy his own uniformly JOHN RUSSELL, in return, promised a great many more vigorous warserious and dignified behaviour. HARDINGE thought the bill had better measures. pass, so it did.
GRAHAM explained how the Prussians had done him about the Thetis, and the evident feeling of the House was that he had no business to go about swopping HER MAJESTY'S ships for any rubbish that might be offered him.
Blunders, as usual, having been made in the vote of thanks, the names of ADMIRAL STOPFORD and others were stuck in by way of postscript, but as BRITANNIA is a lady, it must be considered specially flattering to be mentioned in the most important part of her communication.
Tuesday. The Commons began their battle on the Foreign Enlist-attention. ment Bill. JOHN RUSSELL, to everybody's surprise and regret, did not go back farther than the time of QUEEN ELIZABETH for arguments. BULWER LYTTON opposed the bill, objecting to beggarly hirelings, and then a number of other men on each side repeated and diluted the reasoning of the leaders, but it is useless to refer to the debate, because that had nothing to do with the result. Government told the House that unless the Bill passed they would resign, and a Dissolution would follow. This at once secured a lot of men who have a wholesome dread of their constituents, and after DIZZY had made some garbled quotations, and let off a few damp oratorial fireworks, JOHN RUSSELL praised the Government, a little more, for the truly noble way in which the war was carried on, SIBTHORPE abused him, LORD BLANDFORD made some proposition about having prayers, and the Bill was carried by a small majority.
BOBADIL AGAIN. To Mr. Punch.
IR,-Blood might boil, aye, boil over, at the criminal culpable and neglect shown by public writers in reference to our greatest men. You know that the BOBADIL family is remarkable for its unpretending modesty and humility, and if its members are ever so fortunate as to achieve any little success, they are never the first to declare it, far less to puff one another, or to assail everybody else as an incapable blockhead, or an untrustable traitor.
But, Sir, there are times when fever heat, calcining caution, sends the fiery embers of
patience sparkling out with vivid flashes of incarnate indignation.
Why is a BOBADIL not despatched to take Sebastopol? If RAGLAN is 'invisible,' other people are not, or inaudible either.
GLADSTONE. promised a bill for securing the deposits made by the poor in our Savings' Banks. He made the same promise two years ago. City people, however, thought him in earnest this time, and that he wanted the money which was invested by these banks, so the Funds went down.
"W. BOBADIL, Lieutenant-General.”
everybody, except the Government, appearing convinced that it ought Thursday.-The Militia Bill was read a second time in the Lords, not to be.
The Commons had some more speechifying upon the Enlistment Bill, but nothing was said that deserved or received the slightest public
Friday-Final fight on the Enlistment Bill, and BRIGHT clearly shewed that the war was wrong, first, because the Turks were not virtuous men or energetic tradespeople, and secondly, because, in fighting, people were killed. The House, more mindful of RUSSELL'S threat than BRIGHT'S logic, again affirmed the principle of the measure.
SHERIFF'S OFFICERS IN THE RUSSIAN ARMY. THE CZAR has had recourse to a species of Foreign Enlistment, in pressing the Hebrews into his diabolical service. The Continental Correspondents of other journals inform us that the Imperial Miscreant has ordered a levy of ten in every thousand souls in the eastern half of his Empire, and that the Jews are not to be excluded from this levy. Hence the levy may consist wholly of Jews, and superficial minds may infer that, as among us, nine tailors make a man, so, in Russia to constitute one LEVY, it takes ten old-clothesmen. By forcing these Levies to enter his ranks, NICHOLAS may also be considered by intellects of the same slight order to be endeavouring to emulate the ancient fame of this country, renowned of old for its bill-men. Those who take a deeper view of things will probably regard the Autocrat's conscription of the Jews in the light of a desperate measure, to be tried, as a last resource, against those troops which he has hitherto found invincible: for certainly, if any thing could induce any British Officer to take to his heels, it might be the sight of a gentleman of the Hebrew Persuasion.
MONTEAGLE, in the Lords, moved for some financial returns, and by implication expressed a hope, that when the Budget came out MR. WILLIAM GLADSTONE would not be found to deserve the name of Deficiency Bill.
Saturday-Various legislative formalities having been transacted in both Houses, the Parliamentary nuisance was abated until the 23rd of January.
NO MORE PILLS NOR ANY OTHER MEDICINE !
PUNCH FOR 1855
SAVES fifty thousand times its cost in novels, and cures no end of things including sleepiness, sulks, stupefaction, poverty of ideas, bad temper, spleen, nausea (after listening to the speeches of the Peace Society), dulness, depression (from a visit of the tax-collector), snobbism, muffiness, and general debility of intellect, loss of literary appetite (such as is induced by a course of Railway reading), blue devils, baldness (of invention), melancholy, ennui, and congestion of the brain (as, for example, by a Parliamentary debate), nervousness in travelling, paralysis of humour, and consequent utter unfitness for society, mental indigestion and excessive vomiting-as, for instance, after an attempt at swallowing the statements of the Invalide Russe.
It will be found, moreover, the best mental food for invalids as well as the robust: being free from all sourness and impurity, and calculated to restore the highest jocular energy to the most enfeebled intellect. Travellers especially will find it serviceable, as it is warranted to keep in all climates, and not to lose its pungency under any circumstances: and imparting a healthy relish to breakfast, lunch, dinner, tea and supper, and every other meal, and never interfering with a liberal any more than a conservative diet.
AWAY WITH THE BLUNDERBUSS!
WE laugh at the idea of the wooden pistol with which some-would they were more-of the Russian soldiers are armed. The wooden pistol is a reality, thanks to the roguery of Muscovite contractors; a reality and also a sham, not a mere sham: or else we should be disposed, Hibernically speaking, to pronounce it an invention without existence or should at least conclude it to be a species of pocketpistol adapted to be charged only with ammunition of the raki species. However, the British dragoon is armed with a weapon about as useless as a pistol of wood. This is the carbine: with which a competent authority states that a good shot may hit a hayrick at 80 yards. If this is a more eligible arm than a wooden pistol it is so simply for the same reason that a kitchen poker would also be preferable to that toy. It can be clubbed in close encounter: otherwise the pistol of lighter material and lighter cost would be more suitable of the two to light cavalry, if not to heavy. Brown BESs will soon be quite sent about her business: which is to protect corn from sparrows-without injuring the sparrows-and Brunette Bess it is to be hoped will accompany the old woman. An English archer formerly carried as many enemies' lives as arrows at his girdle; why have not our dragoons the lives of as many Russians at their belts as there are barrels to a revolver?
CAUTION FOR COCKNEYS.
OUR numerous metropolitan friends are respectfully entreated not to confound the foreign regiments hired to fight under our colours with those native troops who are known to them as the (H)irish.
THE WAR AND THE COUNTRY.
The Russian Eagle in its diet is thought to exhibit a trait of the vampire, as it is supposed chiefly to support itself by sucking the life-blood of the country which it broods over. Its propensity to fighting, also, betrays a taste for carrion, which is likewise foreign to the aquiline nature; while its frequent thievish depredations show it far exceeds the magpie in its fondness for a bone.
HE breath of war is an ill
an average paterfamilias or proletarian-that sum representing a bushel, the necessary measure of flour alone; the price of the loaf being 94d. Earning no more than twelve shillings a week altogether, and spending as much as thirteen shillings and fourpence in bread only, it follows that the agricultural labourer has just one shilling and fourpence less than nothing, out of which to pay for rent, fire, soap, candles, and the means, in short, of satisfying any of his wants, which exceed those of a pig. How he is to carry on the War under these circumstances, the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER only knows, if he does know: surely, not by paying the year's expenses out of the year's income. Honestly he can only solve the problem by a recourse to a loan: which he is not likely to find negotiable. Three courses only are open to him; courses not followed by dessert. Besides borrowing, he may beg or steal: and the former alternative not being likely to suffice, he has every temptation to adopt the latter. That course, even in its modified form of drawing on the hare and pheasant preserve fund, involves an expense to the country and the neighbourhood so very considerable, that the agricul turists of the tops may reasonably entertain the question whether, as compared with the maintenance of prisoners, the payment of sufficient hire to the inferior agriculturists is not more cheap and reasonable after the rate, and therefore much to be preferred before the rate, that is to say, the Country, Rate.
The Common Eagle, ranking generally as the King of Birds, we may call the Russian, in antithesis, the Emperor.
THE RUSSIAN EAGLE.
FALCO BIFRONS, Smith. L'AIGLE PERFIDE, Jones.
Tuis bird has lately been attracting such attention that we feel induced to spare it a few inches of what our correspondents are continually telling us is valuable space," (although perhaps none should know its value better than ourselves) and we are the more inclined to do so, as we believe it hitherto has been left quite unnoticed by our natural historians, for the reason, we suppose, that its character and habits are so perfectly un-natural.
The Russian Eagle is distinguished by such singular properties, that we are somewhat uncertain with what tribe we should class it. If it belongs to the Eagle family at all it must certainly, we think, be considered a disgrace to it. One of the chief members of that family, indeed, (we allude to that of France) has of late openly suspended the relationship: while that of America, at least shows no signs of sympathy. It is thought, moreover, that ere long the Eagles both of Austria and Prussia will alike see the policy of cutting a connection which has lately more than ever proved discreditable.
THE following Holiday Movements in every day life have been omitted from the newspapers, which have careThe Russian Eagle may be best described perhaps, as a nondescript creature, fully chronicled the fact that "SIR SOMETHING NOBODY uniting the voracity of the vulture with the malice of the magpie, and the has a small party at Snobbington " and other great thievery of the raven. Its aquiline extraction is principally shown in the length truths of equal weight and significance :of its talons, with which it clutches greedily whatever comes within its reach. Although not unfrequently it soars to higher prey, it will stoop in general to the meanest object, and is addicted especially to pouncing like a kite on the weak and the defenceless. When baulked of its prey, it does not hesitate to show fight; but, in spite of its enormous size, there are many who will back a Turkey against it. BUFFON Compares the Eagle to the Lion, and contends that "strength, magnanimity, and courage" are the attributes of both. But were any buffer now to institute a parallel between the British Lion, and the Russian Eagle, he would soon find he had made a comparison to the full as odious" as the proverb hints. Unlike the Eagle tribe in general, the Russian Eagle takes considerable pains in feathering its nest; which it chiefly accomplishes by taking sick relations under its wings, as if for the purpose of giving them protection. When intending a Swoop, it shows great cunning in disguising its intention; but like the magpie, it frequently outwits itself by over-acting, and they who watch its movements closely may soon see what it is really aiming at.
From the devotional attitude it assumes so frequently, the Russian Eagle may be strictly called a bird of pray. Indeed, the lower orders of that country have been taught to invest it with most sacred attributes, and have made it, like the Ibis, an object of veneration; and, in fact, almost of worship."
The CLOWN at the Victoria Theatre has been entertaining a dress circle of friends during the Holidays. Hot Codlins have been supplied to the company in the course of the evening.
POLICEMAN X. had a "party" at the Station House on Boxing Night.
Railway officer, SNOGGS, has been surrounded by a very numerous circle during the holidays.
MR. BAGGS left his seat-in the office-on Saturday night, for Kentish Town, to pass the Christmas Holidays. He resumed his official duties as the clock struck nine on Tuesday morning.
MR. and MRS. BROWN and their Children are staying with MR. and MRS. GREEN and their Children. MR. and MRS. SMITH and their Children are expected to join MR. and MRS. GREEN and their Children as soon as MR. and MRS. BROWN with their Children have concluded their visit: there are no other guests staying with MR. and MRS. GREEN and their children at present.
BALLOONS FOR WARFARE.
EVERYBODY, including of course all the nobodies, would seem to have some peculiar plan for finishing off the war in a successful and expeditious manner. The last place we should look for the means of carrying on hostilities with vigour is up into the air; but never theless an aeronaut has "stepped in" upon the public with a suggestion that Balloons are the means required for the Siege of Sebastopol and the smashing of Cronstadt. If this theory is correct, LORD RAGLAN ought at once to be superseded by the " veteran GREEN" or the intrepid" MRS. GRAHAM.
If sieges could be conducted against the Russians as easily as they are managed at the Surrey Zoological Gardens, if Sebastopol in the Crimea were as assailable as Gibraltar in the Kennington Road, we should not only advocate the introduction of a Balloon, but we should go farther, and demand that the General commanding-in-chief should ascend to the citadel on a tight-rope, amidst a splendid display of fireworks. Unfortunately, however, we learn from MR. STOCQUELER, at the Gallery of Illustration, that bastions and other little matters are something more than mere pasteboard-and though the War makes a very interesting Panorama. it would not answer to allow it to be treated as a mere show by those who are engaged in conducting it. We recommend our aeronauts to stick to their own element-the airand not attempt to rush into the heat of an enemy's fire.
One of the "intrepids," who has gained a high position by his Balloon, has published a dialogue between himself and a General, who is, of course, now represented as beating a retreat in an argument against the employment of balloons in battle. The aeronaut proposes to hover in his balloon over the enemy's position, and take observations of what is passing, but he forgets that a passing shot might happen to catch his eye in a rather disagreeable manner. The "General" in the imaginary conversation" with the aeronaut, ventures on this suggestion, and is met by the heroic reply from the man of air, "Supposing, General, that I was shot dead in obtaining information of vast im
British Officer. "HALLO, JACK! WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT NOW?"
Jack. "WHY, YER HONOUR-YOU SEE RIDING'S A DEAL PLEASANTER THAN WALKING ABOUT HERE, AND WHEN THIS CHAP'S TIRED I MOUNTS T'OTHER COVE!"
portance, what would be the difference?" Of course, if it's all the same to the Aeronaut it would not signify a great deal to us, but we had rather that he should remain a living voyager in the air than drop down to the earth in the unprofitable capacity or in-capacity of a dead failure. The Aeronaut undertakes not only to observe, but to make himself the subject of observation by a series of signals, through the medium of which he proposes to point out the movements of the enemy. This is to be effected, by an apparatus which, as it would of course be at the mercy of the wind, would be blown about in all directions possibly, except that which it ought to take, and thus the signals would be converted into signal tive purposes," by taking up some shells, which should be "light to lift failures. The Aeronaut also proposes using his Balloon for destrucbut terrible to fall," and so arranged as to avoid the fate of CAPTAIN WARNER's invention, "whose Balloon," we are told by the Aeronaut himself," went off in an opposite direction to what he intended."
And by what means," asks the General, "would you let off your missiles."
Either by fusees," answers the Aeronaut, "a liberating trigger, or an electric communication, or by another contrivance which you must excuse me, General, for not mentioning, as I hold it a secret."
This "secret will probably be kept to all eternity, and, at all events, until it is revealed we must be excused for refusing to call on LORD ABERDEEN to adopt Balloons for warfare, or to blow up the Commander-in-Chief literally high sky high, till he makes the air the basis
of military operations.
A Fair Case for the Sibthorpites. COLONEL SIR JOHN M. BURGOYNE, writing in reference to the recruiting system, declares,
"I do not believe there are a dozen recruiting parties in the whole county of Beds." We do not ask what are the Ministers about in Beds? There, at least, they are asleep.