KEY TO PRUSSIA'S POLITICS.

1

THE WAR POETS.

THE BATTLE OF THE
ALMA.

THE ALMA'S GLORIOUS
BANK.

THE furious fight is raging

E know that one reason why WE notice that these gents are not coming out strong. Sad doggrel, the generous, chivalrous, flat common place, ambitious nonsense, compose the majority of the loyal, high-minded, noble, Poems, Ballads, Hymns, Sonnets, and other impertinences which have magnanimous, disinterested, been called forth by the accounts of the deeds of our soldiers in the patriotic Prince, FREDERICK Crimea. Such verses are the nuisances which always attend great WILLIAM, King of Prussia, exploits. We do not, of course, allude to the works of the musicexhibits (though he would sellers' hacks. These unhappy persons must perform their tasks, and fain conceal) so much sym- we should no more think of criticising a song written to order than pathy with NICHOLAS, is a of picking the Poet's pocket of it as he made his way to Soho Square. natural tenderness for his But the gents who write without being obliged to do so-who affect to poor sister, the wife of that feel inspiration, and who "cannot refuse their tribute to the heroes of worthy, who would perhaps, the Alma"-are, we cannot help thinking, culpable offenders. In the if her brother refused to hope that exposure may do good, and induce a great quantity of rubbish truckle to him, cause her to to be confided to the fire instead of the Editor, we print two Specimens be knouted to pieces, of the War Poets. unless he preferred whipping her to death himself. Another reason why his Prussian Majesty pursues his present exalted line of conduct, is, we are aware, zeal for the maintenance of arbitrary power, and anxiety to keep down a plaguy, discontented, disaffected, dangerously enlightened people, impatient of slavery. Other motives, no doubt, might be assigned for the estimable Monarch's policy, equally natural, and equally creditable, to the man and the Sovereign. Among these there is one to which the attention of the public and the Government has not yet been directed. It is, the predilection entertained by his most elevated Majesty for a celebrated beverage which the war enables him to procure, on moderate terms, in quantities nearly sufficient for his personal consumption. Need we say that we allude to CLICQUOT's champagne, which, during peace, was exported from France almost exclusively to Russia? FREDERICK WILLIAM now gets what we should think he never got before, as much of that wine, within a few cases, as he likes. Therefore the war is very jolly for him: and the longer it lasts the jollier he will be, and the more disposed to back the enterprise of his brother-in-law against the liberty of mankind. The earliest of our ensuing operations, therefore, must be, that of cutting off the KING OF PRUSSIA'S Clicquot. This can only be done by buying it all up; and a Company ought to be formed for that purpose, for it is clear that our slow and blundering Government cannot be trusted with the execution of any great measure, which, with the whole conduct of the war, had better be left to private speculation.

"FIRST CLASS GENTLEMEN."

AN Advertisement, the other day, announced the desire of the owner of a house in Bryanstone Square, to let it as a first class gentleman's residence." Considering that any body may be a first class" gentleman, by the payment of eightpence for a Railway Ticket on the Greenwich line, the house must be of very elastic pretensions. There first class gentlemen we have met with in travelling, who might certainly make themselves at home in Bryanstone Square, or any where else, but whose occasional domicile is the gaol of the County. A man who talks about "first class gentlemen," deserves to get a member of the Swell Mob for his tenant.

are some

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Another advertiser invites the attention of "Members of the House of Commons" to his list of furnished Houses. We wonder he does not appeal to the Legislature in scarch of dwellings as "Parliamentary gents," in contradistinction to those addressed as "first class gentlemen."

Ministerial Mocha-ry.

SOMEBODY good naturedly offered to roast coffee for the troops in the Crimea. The Lords of the Treasury rejected the offer, on the ground that "the coffee is roasted in the Naval Establishments." If this is not the fact-and the assertion is stoutly denied-we hope the Lords of the Admiralty will be well roasted in every influential newspaper.

AN ERROR OF THE PRESS.

A CONTEMPORARY talks of "the graphic speech of the EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH." As our contemporary received it by the Sub-Marine, we should rather have thought the speech was telegraphic.

The Witlers.

SYMPTOMS of another storm are unmistakeable. Again, the reappointment of the editor of the 'Tiser is to be questioned. We think this wrong; wrong upon the very justice of measures. For the editor was elected by a certain majority on the old principle, that so many hogsheads make a butt.

On the dark Crimean coast

Where freedom's war is waging

With the tyrant's servile host. There the fell muskets rattle,

There the bright sabres clank, As heroes rush to battle,

On Alma's glorious bank.

The word of triumph's spoken
The banners wave on high,
The Russian spell is broken,

The Muscovite must fly.
And warm congratulations
Are passed from rank to rank
Of those united nations
On Alma's glorious bank.
J. BOWBY DIGGS.

THE ATTACHMENT OF THE FEMALE RUSSIAN BEAR
TO HER YOUNG.

THE she-bear is remarkable for maternal tenderness: and an interesting illustration of that fact in Natural History is afforded in the following extract from a letter from St. Petersburg, published in the Constitutionnel.

MICHAEL have, on her pressing solicitation, been recalled from the Crimea by a special "The health of the EMPRESS OF RUSSIA is very bad. Her sons, NICHOLAS and order of the EMPEROR"

cubs, though the pressing solicitation of their dam is required to bring Even NICHOLAS himself appears to have some affection for his own it out. She can understand what it is to be bereaved of her young, though she may be unable to sympathise with the sorrows of the multitude of mothers whose children have been destroyed by the ravages of her brutal consort.

Mythology for Potsdam.

A LEADING Berlin journal, quoted by the Chronicle, says"But our confidence in Prussia is unshaken, for the old god rules the new year." The ancient divinity who ruled the last year in Prussia, by ruling the ruler, appears to have been Bacchus.

Compliments of the Season.

THE EMPEROR OF AUSTRIA has given the Order of St. Stephen to LOUIS-NAPOLEON; but it is not generally known that on the authority of the POPE and CARDINAL MAGI, who lately settled that small matter of the Immaculate Conception, the Order is set with the very stone that slew the Martyr.

THE MINISTER OF WAR'S BRIEF.

THE DUKE OF NEWCASTLE, not having displayed the greatest vigour in his new office, it is said that instructions are shortly to be given to the Attorney-General to see what he can do in prosecuting the present war.

A HINT TO SCHOOLMASTERS.-Very often he who is strict is tricked.

ORGANIZATION FOR THE ARMY.

To the EARL OF ABERDEEN.

of their respective functions, who starve our troops between them, would be taught to act rather more in concert. I have the honour to be, your Lordship's respectful admirer, PUNCH.

GODFATHERLY HINT.

وو

MY LORD,-Your Lordship knows
that, in a portion of HER MA-
JESTY'S East Indian dominions,
it is necessary that a man
MR. PUNCH is happy to learn from the report of the Registrars of
should have as many menial Births, that his suggestion to the mothers of lady babies is being most
servants as be has occasions extensively adopted, and that two out of three of the future sweethearts
for menial services: so that of England are christened "ALMA." He has also received a great mass
the possession of a valet who of private intimations to the same effect. One happy father, from
will shave him, by no means due course, wear one of the pretty bonnets of bonny Dundee," is
Scotland, writes, very pleasantly, to say that a young lady who will, in
implies that of a man-servant
who will clean his boots. Caste indebted to Mr. Punch for her name. A young mamma from Worcester
limits the barber to the em- is evidently almost as much pleased with the name suggested for "baby,'
ployment of the razor, and for- as with that delightful infant itself. And the parents of a Maid of Kent
bids him to exchange it for that unite in thanking Mr. Punch for his "affectionate hint," and hope
of the blacking-brush. Were -as he cordially joins them in doing-that "MISS ALMA will be ever
your Lordship GOVERNOR GENE- mindful of her godfather." These are a few out of a great number of
RAL OF INDIA, instead of acknowledgments of Mr. Punch's kindness, and as he is unable, from
PREMIER OF ENGLAND and the pressure of engagements connected with the war and other impor-
no doubt you would fill one
tant matters, to reply privately to his correspondents, he begs to say to
office as ably as you do the about fifty people who have made such acknowledgement, and to about
other-you might find yourself five thousand who still owe it, that he receives more oysters than he
waiting on yourself in the knows what to do with, but that he is always open to wild-fowl.
midst of flunkies, simply be-
cause the footman wanted for
your particular exigency, hap-
pened to be out of the way.

Under this arrangement, my
Lord, your Lordship will con-
ceive that affairs in the East
Indies proceed slowly. Every

one for himself, and the deuce for us all, you know. Perhaps you will think that a people among whom distinctions so absurd as those of Caste subsist, must be a race of great simpletons. My lord, we are that people as well as the Hindoos, and therefore is it that we are getting on so slow in the East. We are that blockheaded people, I mean that people headed by blocks. Why have we a Commissariat Officer and a Commander-in-Chief, with functions so distinct, that 25,000 men are half-starved, because the former cannot procure from the latter the loan of a corporal's guard? Why should tents and clothing be rotting on the shores of Balaclava and Varna for several weeks for the simple reason that the head of the Ordnance department, for want of a proper understanding with the heads of other departments, has preoccupied all the transports? Why, but for the circumstance that we are a people whose rulers are logs: and their subordinates also logs, and at logger-heads? The Hindoos, indeed, are less the fools of Caste than ourselves: for though one will not do another's work, yet a Brahminical butler does not, I believe, object to make arrangements with his co-religionist, the lackey: nor do the groom and stable-boy of that persuasion refuse to put their horses together.

You my active and energetic lord, are not particularly to be blamed for this idiotic system, that is to say want of system, comprehensively called the "Rules of the Service," but which, if denominated the Misrule of ditto, would be better described. Neither is the DUKE OF NEWCASTLE, with his administrative genius, nor MR. SIDNEY HERBERT, with his practical common-sense. The fault is that of a long series of statesmen, who never properly learned their business: but to be sure our troops in the Crimea would not have perished for want of food and shelter, if PEEL's clerks had also served a clerkship in any considerable mercantile establishment.

NO! DON'T.

"So THEY ARE SENDING OUT BOOKS TO AMUSE THE POOR FELLOWS AT SCUTARI-AND VERY PROPER. I WILL SEND FIVE-AND-TWENTY COPIES OF MY LAST FIVE ACT TRAGEDY OF THE ROMAN GRANDMOTHER.'

Well, my lord; now the object of this letter is to propose to your lordship the annexation of a supplement to the Foreign Enlistment Bill; a clause to enable us to avail ourselves of the services of aliens to organise our troops. Let it be enacted that HER MAJESTY shall be ONE of those periodical attacks of excitement to which the female at liberty to commission any foreigner whom she may be pleased to mind is liable, has lately broken out among young ladies. It exhibits appoint, to undertake, in the capacity of absolute dictator, the whole itself in form of an irresistible inclination for imitating porcelain vases arrangement of our military affairs, except that which relates to actual by a simple process, which consists in sticking painted figures, cut out fighting. One reason at least you would have for anticipating no of paper patterns, on the inside of glass vessels, and then painting the opposition to this proposal in Parliament. The expenses of carrying glass thus decorated on its inner surface. By this contrivance the it into effect would be small, as doubtless there are plenty of serjeants patterns are made to show through the glass, whilst its intervening in the French army quite capable of discharging the duties of the situation, and ready to accept it on moderate terms.

portions appear opaque: and the effect is that
of pictorial China.
Potichomanie, or Potichomania, is the term by which this epidemic
art is known, but it will of course soon be superseded by the more
the mean time may defined to be a species of painting on glass in
vernacular and intelligible title of Stick-Pot-Mania. Potichomania in
mental distemper.

If, however, any objection should be entertained to putting the British Army under the superintendence of a foreign officer, commissioned or non, the desideratum might be supplied by recourse to native talent, which probably could be procured by application to Fox and HENDERSON, or PETO and BRASSEY, or some other eminent firm of contractors who know what organization means. Or JULLIEN-who INFORMATION FOR THE BAND OF HOPE.-It is quite useless to throw may now be regarded as a true Briton-might be engaged as Conductor away diplomacy in attempting to get the KING OF PRUSSIA to pledge of our band of heroes, in which case those very independent performers himself to a definite course. His Majesty will never take the pledge..

TURP

PHOTOGRAPHY FOR CRIMINALS.

GOVERNOR has seriously pro-
posed to establish a Por-
trait Gallery of Criminals in
every prison in England, by
subjecting every convicted
offender to the photographic
process. The idea may have
some value, but we must

confess that we never saw any photographic portrait yet, which did not give us the idea of a criminal; and if a man were to be hung on account of his look, there is hardly an individual that has been photographed, who might not have been fairly hanged instead of his own portrait. There is a dictum of the poet in favour of showing "Vice its own image," and arguments may be brought forward in support of the new scheme; but we do not see by what law the authorities will be justified in compelling a prisoner to sit to have his likeness taken. Should a collection be formed, there will be a certain amount of interest attached to it; and though not of the same kind as that which belongs to the Court Beauties of CHARLES THE SECOND, a gallery of Criminal Court Beauties would, in the eyes of some, be regarded as a very interesting series.

We fear it is just possible that the plan might serve as an inducement to the commission of petty offences, for the having one's portrait preserved in a public institution would form a sort of celebrity that some persons would think cheaply purchased at the price of a week's imprisonment.

MEMBERS' HORSES.

AN announcement which Mr. Punch has read with considerable disfavour has just been made. It appears that the Horses of Members of Parliament have made (through their grooms), certain complaints of the grievous hardship to which they are subjected, by having to parade round and round Palace Yard by the hour together, in all weathers, waiting the outcoming of the equestrian senator, who is spouting within. So, in order that a Member of Parliament may at once save his country and his horseflesh, a row of covered stalls are to be constructed close to Westminster Hall, and herein the animals are to be sheltered from the weather without, while the Speaker is exposed to the rude pelting of the pitiless, storm of twaddle within.

Mr. Punch need not say that he is glad to hear of any provision being made for the comfort of the poor horses. That he is humanely inclined towards the inferior creation many a donkey, in and out of Parliament, can testify. Where Punch could have crushed he has only chastened, where he could have ruined he has only rebuked, where he could have demolished he has only demonstrated. Therefore, no one will be such an ass as to say that Mr. Punch is not the friend of the horse.

But, regarding this proposed measure as tending to the further prolongation of debates which are already so protracted as to be the nuisance of the age, Mr. Punch protests against it. Many and many a member has hitherto brought his orations to a premature end, remembering that his beautiful horses were pawing the wet mud and impatiently shaking off the rain-drops in Palace Yard. He has got off his hobby-horse to get upon his hack, and has rather chosen to give the rein to his steed than to his eloquence. Time has upon many occasions been thus saved. The man who has had no mercy for a minister has had much for a hundred guinea horse, and though not afraid of being himself coughed down, has shuddered lest his animal should adopt that method of expressing a grievance. The horse-shoe has often been lucky for the Speaker and the reporters. This advantage it is now proposed to do away, and the orator, relieved from anxiety about his horse, will try to win by a length hitherto unattempted. Therefore, as among our Northern ancestors, let horses be sacrificed to obtain the peace of those whose departure is desirable.

SACRIFICE OF THE SOOTTIES.-The Smoke Prevention Bill.

THE FOREIGN ENLISTMENT PRINCIPLE.'

THE Foreign Enlistment Principle seems to be acted upon rather rigidly by Government in the distribution of its gifts and appointments. The government officials promise shortly to be a distinguished corps, into which none but foreigners will be admitted.

Museum. It is a pity that the Museum was not an Italian First of all, we have a PANIZZI, an Italian at a British one, for then an Englishman might by chance have been appointed to it.

Secondly, we have a Doctor BERTOLACCI receiving an appointment to the Duchy of Cornwall. We wonder if this "choice Italian" (whose choice we do not know), was aware that there was such a place as Cornwall, or had the slightest idea where it was, before he received his appoint

ment.

WHAT'S IN THE WIND ?

INGENUITY has lately been very busy in trying to solve the question, What's in the Wind?" and the result has been a variety of plans for ventilation, the proprietors of which are puffing away in all directions, with a vigour that shows their acquaintance with at least one use of the wind, namely, the advantage of raising it. We remember once trying a ventilating apparatus, which let in such a variety of currents upon us, that it required all our skill in a perpetual game at drafts to keep out of the way of them. No sooner did we sit down with our writing apparatus before us than the whole of it was carried away by a "heavy blow," which was of course a great discouragement." When the wind was blowing off a lee chimney, or our fire had been recently scuttled with a few coals, it was only by "slewing round to windard” and getting under the shelter of a sort of shelving shore of book-shelves that we could possibly weather the gale to which our ventilator had exposed us.

It seems, however, that the science of ventilation has taken an upward movement, and all the ill-winds that used to blow nobody good are now rendered harmless by a new process, which is being puffed with a fifty bellows' power in all the newspapers.

A long list of buildings, ventilated by the new process, has been printed for general perusal, and among others we find "the Editor's Room of a Country Newspaper." We think our country contemporary ought to give a testimonial to the inventor-somewhat in the following fashion:

"SIR,-For some time I could get nobody to believe a word I said in my newspaper. I was at last advised to try your ventilator for my room, and I am happy to say that since I have done so, the air is quite changed, so that an air of truth now pervades every article."

lator, and should not be surprised at the following testimonial being We find also that Dumbarton gaol has been supplied with a ventisigned by the prisoners.

"We, the prisoners in Dumbarton gaol had always felt the atmosphere very confined until the introduction of the new ventilator, which has so greatly improved the air,

that it is now almost equal to the air of freedom."

into Courts of Justice, but here it would seem to be superfluous, for The proprietor expresses a strong desire to get his process introduced the Inventor must consider the atmosphere of Justice already pure enough, inasmuch as he would not wish to take his process there unless he felt sure of a fair trial.

The Saint then describes an average-we will not say ordinary-playhouses! Teutonic style of beauty as constituting the charms with which he is blest in his third spouse. Her moral worth is thus set forth by her thrice happy husband.

Printed by William Bradbury, of No. 13, Upper Woburn Place, in the Parish of St. Faneras, and Frederick Mu'let Evans, of No. 27, Victoria Street, in the Parish of St. Margaret and St. Join, Westminster, both in the County of Middlesex, Frinters, at their Office in Lombard Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and Published by them at No. 86, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, in the City of London.-SATURDAY, January 13, 1855.

ROYAL LETTERS.-VICTORIA.

Ir is not often that kings and queens are permitted-they are so illused by envy-to have the benefit of their own literary works. To be sure, they have, time out of mind, been great deceivers; their good things always having been said for them; put into their mouths, as you would put a lump of sugar between the beak of a parrot. When GEORGE THE THIRD, the royal brain puzzled by the mystery of an apple-dumpling, asked how the apples got into the paste, seeing that there seemed no seam,-this profound reflection was attributed to DOCTOR WOLCOTT, to the great wrong of GEORGE GUELPH. When I LOUIS THE EIGHTEENTH on the blessed restoration, informed France that there was nothing changed in the country by his return, there was only one Frenchman the more; he was cruelly robbed of the felicity of the idea by the friends of TALLYRAND-(has the Fox friends ?) who plucked the royal bird of the feather to stick it in the hat of PRINCE PERIGORD RENARD! NAPOLEON THE GREAT has hitherto been undetected in his robberies; but we have no doubt that his famous speech about thirty centuries looking down from the Pyramids upon French soldiers was written for him by one of the savansthe much despised men-who riding about upon asses were quizzed as a sort of centaur, the unlearned not knowing where the wise man ended and the donkey began. The famous step from the sublime to the ridiculous remains as originally taken by NAPOLEON, the Uncle; but there can be no doubt of it, that the faux pas was the step of, perhaps, MADAME DE STAEL.

This is too bad; but as it is, LOUIS NAPOLEON has not been so lucky. L'empire, c'est la paix! This-it has long been known to the private friends of that gentleman-is the property of JOHN BRIGHT. And the very last fine saying of NAPOLEON the Nephew has been traced as far back as-as TACITUS.

"Would you tell MRS. HERBERT that I begged she would let me see frequently the accounts she receives from Miss NIGHTINGALE or MRS. BRACEBRIDGE, as I hear no details of the wounded, tho' I see so many from officers, &c., about the battle-field, and naturally the former must interest me more than any one."

The Lady of the Hall-it is called Daisy Hall-desires that her poor friends-they are honest, worthy tenants every one of them--may know that she still thinks of them; still hopes to see them? Her husband, too, the Squire of Daisy Hall, has kind and gentle memories of them.

"Let MRS. HERBERT also know that I wish Miss NIGHTINGALE and the ladies would tell these poor noble wounded and sick men that NO ONE takes a warmer interest, or feels more for their sufferings, or admires their courage and heroism MORE than the QUEEN. Day and night she thinks of her beloved troops. So does the Prince. "Beg MRS. HERBERT to communicate these my words to those ladies, as I know that our sympathy is much valued by these noble fellows. "(Signed) 'VICTORIA.'" There is no regal flourish in this. It is downright simplicity of heart and earnest womanly tenderness. We know of no such royal letter in any of the ELLIS collection. Grim and hard are MARY's, as though writ in ashes with the stick of a friar; hard and incisive ELIZABETH's, traced with the sword; the sentences struck short, as with the headsman's axe. (Shade of ESSEX,-is it not so?) But in VICTORIA'S letter it is all womanhood: there is nothing of the state of royalty in it; nought of the ermine but its softness and its purity.

HE most mysterious paragraph we ever read appeared, a few nights ago, in an evening paper. It was to the effect, that "on the preceding dayOld Christmas - day something was done at the Palace in commemoration of the visit of the Magi." The writer either did not know what had happened, and therefore disguised his want of information under general phrases, or else he meant some deep allusion. We have a notion that he designed to hint that Her Majesty, determined to learn for herself the state of affairs at the seat of war, had sum

moned to the Palace the three Wise Men from the East who have last arrived,-namely, GENERAL DE LACY EVANS, LORD CARDIGAN, and sings TOM MOORE. In his speech to the Chambers, LOUIS NAPOLEON the REVEREND SIDNEY GODOLPHIN OSBORNE. We earnestly trust said of ST. ARNAUD, withered as he was and dying, that "he forced that this may have been the case, as Her Majesty will then have heard, death to wait for victory." This, by the envious, is given to one from first-rate authority, what she is pleased, in such kindly and MOCQUARD, the private secretary to the EMPEROR and translator of womanly phrase, to regret that no one will tell her-the actual condiTACITUS, from whom he took the phrase!-In this way do republican tion of her beloved soldiers;" of which it is evident that none of her levellers pull down the high ones! Ministers know much, and of which the Secretaries at War know least of all.

How lucky, then, are we in QUEEN VICTORIA, whose NIGHTINGALE letter is in no way an embroidered letter; not a letter stiff with gold thread and glittering with royal gems, but a purely woman's letter-as simple as the simplest missive winged from country hall. The fair lady of the mansion desires to know about a few of her humble neighbours now absent. She hears of her finer acquaintance; but she desires to know how fare Toм and DICK and HARRY?

IT is currently remarked in the lower circles, that if NICHOLAS accepts the four pints, he will take two quarts; but that it is a kivestion whether he will stand so much.net