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to their daily comfort and convenience; and garter, thereby enticing people to play. it would take an entire paper to shew the in- (P. 49.) fluences of all kinds which the position and “ We do not find the Rev. Mr Bunthe construction of a city have upon the mo- tingford, or Archdeacon
racked rals and habits of its inhabitants—many of for dabbling in guinea whist, or Squire them are very evident. If a town is com- Holyoak for vitiating the Melton hunt posed of small houses, and spread over an with ecarté. immense space, communication will be diffi- “ James Birch; for singing ballads in cult, and social intercourse obstructed, and, the public streets, &c. (P. 89.) of course, diminished.”
“ What a blessing not to be born muNo such thing, you blockhead; I sical—the House of Correction is now give you the lie direct. If a town is your only musical box. At p. 101, we spread over an immense space, I main- find John Voice ran away, and left his tain that communication will be much child chargeable to the parish of Aleasier, social intercourse cleared of all bourne.' Doubtless he ran away with obstruction, and, of course, increased the best intentions; for, for him to stay
What comes next?-THE VAGRANT was criminal. What could be do?- Vox, Act. This is a comical rogue, I know
et præterea nihil !'-The wheel was all him-You remember the kicking he
before him, where to choose.” received on a certain occasion from a This irresistible irony is followed reporter in the Old Times, a degra- up by a letter from Hookey Walker dation far beyond that of the tread- to the editor, which I,. at first pemill. Take the following as a speci- rusal, opined to be fictitious, but I now men of the rogue's manner :-- see that it is from a real vagrant of
“ John Mowes; sleeping in an open that name, well known about the subshed, and not being able to give a good urbs of London, (the metropolis, not account of himself. (P. 31.)
only of Great Britain, but of the whole “ Marry! a legal settlement under a British empire, an empire containing, hedge! poor Mr and Mistress Smith! &c.) Then comes a sort of postscript • Hail, wedded pair ! Connubial comfort, by the editor, who relapses into the hail!'—John Mowes too,-caught in the following most elegant badinage. fact of sleeping in an open shed, -how Come, Mr Taylor, come forward, if could he, without a lie, give a good ac
you please, once more, before an adcount of himself ?-There are, however, hundreds of such hard cases as these in miring public, and protest that, from the prison returns !
a good feeling," you gave, with your “We come now to the report of Wil- prim and pursed mouth, your liam Matthews.
primatur.” “ William Matthews; going to the “ At p. 18, we have Thomas Moore for Swan Inn, at Horsham, St Faith, and be- selling the Great Stambridge breeches, having himself in a very outrageous and a crime which he can only have comabusive manner towards Elizabeth, the mitted in some moment of anacreontic wife of George Kerry, of the said in, and hilarity. threatening to destroy the said inn, and “ At p. 27, Thomas Little stands had no money to pay his reckoning !-One charged on the oath of a constable, and calendar month's hard labour, and whip- on his own confession. It will be rememped. (P. 69.)
bered that this gentleman put as a motto “ A very Thurtell of vagrants is this, in the title-page to his little production, -this William Matthews. -Outrageous “ Lusisse pudet," little thinking it would to Mrs Kerry, who, perhaps, however, conduct him to the tread-mill. herself did not draw of the mildest, but “ At p. 43, we have Campbell for not then threatening to destroy the inn! - giving a good account of himself (we the Swan - Threatening to destroy the feared his connexions with the New Swan, a most ancient crime !--and, not Monthly would do him no good)--and at stopping here,—but, nol having money to p. 30, we meet with Scott begging. pay his reckoning !-Out upon him! The
54, Mrs Mary Ann Clarke; idle wheel was made for such a miscreant. and disorderly. • To this complexion
“ Frederic Baggis ; threatening to leave must she come at last!' his wife to the parish! (P. 41.)
“ At p. 25, Samuel Rogers; wandering “ A parlous legacy!
abroad, lodging in ale-houses, and being “ By the way, we do not find this sort unable to give a good account of himof threat strictly punishable under the act.
self. “ Thomas Lounds; unlawfully playing “ Perhaps this talented person was at a certain game, called pricking the not blessed with the pleasures of me
mory just at the moment he was under And Naiads dashing from their silver examination.
springs, “James Smith, of rejected popularity, is And all which verse or fable sweetly idle, wandering, and drinking at nearly sings." every page. He is, unquestionably, an Our poet-whoever he be--resting incorrigible rogne and vagabond. His under the shade of his laurels-signs picture, like that of Fortune, ought to himself “ Umbroso." But he was be painted on a wheel. He is so eter- bound to finish the address and he nally at work, that he is called by Cubitt has used the nightingale extremely ill, his Tire-smith.”
and Bolton-Abbey not a little scurBut here are some verses—to the vily, by giving way to A BIOGRANightingale, too—and written in the
PHICAL MEMOIR OF MR Liston.” woods of Bolton Abbey. Let any young Here is a copy of verses by the Aslady take Barry Cornwall
, and gently tronomer Royal of the New Series. stupify him over the fumes of a small The subject is a fallen star. The Asstill, in shape and size like a tea-pot, tronomer Royal, it would appear, saw put a crow-quill into his hand, bring a star fall out of the firmament one her Album, and insist on the author of night lately, an occurrence by no the Deluge apostrophizing a nightin- means uncoinmon in that part of the gale, and what better or worse would heavens which overhangs Cockney. she expect than
Land. No intelligence had reached “ Fine bird, who mournest o'er the by- the Observatory of its having been gone hours,
picked up, neither is its course intiLike one of life complaining or great mated by the Astronomer Royal. It wrong,
was, no doubt, towards Hampstead. Turn hither! and, fine bird, o'er Bolton bowers
" THE FALLEN STAR. (Too much forgotten) spread thy wealth “ A star is gone! a star is gone! of song,” &c.
There is a blank in heaven! Now, if this be Barry, or of the Barry One of the cherub quire has done breed, we shall not be long without a
His aery course this even. few heathen divinities, and here they
“ He sat upon the orb of fire come, ready cut and dry.
That hung for ages there ; “ For never since the Phrygian mood And lent his music to the quire was heard,
That haunts the nightly air. And never since the Dorian pipe grew
« But when his thousand years were past, rich
With a cherubic sigh With melancholy meaning, such as
He vanish'd with his car at last,stirr'd
For even cherubs die. The mermaids' music, when the stars could witch
“ Hear how his angel-brothers mourn Old Ocean to his depths, or Triton's word
The minstrels of the spheres ! Alarm'd the waters of the salt-sea-ditch!
Each chiming sadly in his turn, Where Calpe mocks the moon-has
And dropping splendid tears. aught been known To mate the words thou sighest in green
6. The planetary Sisters all woods lone.
Join in the fatal song,
And weep their hapless brother's fall, Sing on! Sing on, dear bird! a home
Who sang with them so long. more green Than this grew never on, green earth, “ But deepest of the choral band since man
The lunar Spirit sings, Fashion'd those antique dreams wherein And with a bass-according hand
Sweeps all her sullen strings." Thessalian Tempé, and the streams which
“ From the deep chambers of the dome Through valleys, on whose slopes rough Where sleepless Uriel lies,t Fauns did lean,
His rude harmonic thunders come When poets of old Greece saw sylvan Pan, Mingled with mighty sighs.
." In the music of the spheres, the moon is said to contribute the gravest and most sonorous part of the harmony."
“ Uriel,—the angel of the sun. VOL. XVII.
“ The thousand car-bound cherubim, man baron, who was slain by the hand of The wandering Eleven,
Harold himself, at the fatal battle of All join to chant the dirge of him Hastings. Be this as it may, we find a Who fell just now from heaven,” family of that name flourishing some cen
turies later in that county. John DellisMatch me that, Mullion. Read it ton, knight, was High-Sheriff for Kent, over again, and tell me if you ever according to Fabian, quinto Henrici Sexti ; read the like before. How do you ac
and we trace the lineal branch flourishcount for the universal blindness of ing downwards--the orthography varymankind to so very marked an occur
ing, according to the unsettled usage of
the times, from Delleston to Leston, or rence as this, right over their heads and houses ? It must have happened in the Liston, between which it seems to have day-time or perhaps at night, when alternated, till, in the latter end of the all the world, and his wife, were asleep. reign of James I., it finally settled into It is well worth a place, however, in
the determinate and pleasing dissyllabic
arrangement which it still retains. Ami. the Obituary. Now, mind my words;
nadab Liston, the eldest male represenwe shall be having this astronomical
tative of the family of that day, was of ninny figuring away in the New Se
the strictest order of Puritans.” ries.—Stanzas for music, by the author of the Fallen Star. The Cock- No; you are wrong, I assure youneys will be carrying about this poem he is not a mule~he is a bona fide gefor weeks to come, spouting it into nuine ass, and I could shew you his each other's noses It is full of
pedigree; but you are always so curnius, sir-full of passion--not only sedly obstinate, and so proud of your fancy, but iniagination. What ma- natural history. Well, then, hear him jesty of sound in The wandering bray once more. I say he is an ass, Eleven !'-It reminds one of Keats.
« In the midst of some most pathetic Had you seen how Hazlitt stared at passage, the parting of Jaffier with his the first recitation—Nothing finer in . dying friend, for instance, he would sudWordsworth !" Yes, Mullion, it is denly be surprised with a fit of violent thus the bantams of Cockaigne gocrow
horse-laughter. While the spectators ing over each little addled article, as
were all sobbing before him with emoif it were absolutely the egg of a Phe
tion, suddenly one of those grotesque nix, if such a thing might be suppo- could not resist the impulse.
faces would peep out upon him, and he
A timely sed, till you, or North, or--God for
excuse once or twice served his purpose, give me-perhaps my own thoughtless but no audience could be expected to self-takes it up into his hand, and,
bear repeatedly this violation of the conoch hone aree !--the-shell breaks, and tinuity of feeling. He describes them forthwith there is a splutter of puru. (the illusions) as so many demons hauntlent matter, that would never have ing him, (and' paralysing every effect. become chickified, had it been sat upon Even now, I am told, he cannot recite for months by a whole New Series of the famous soliloquy in Hamlet, even in geese and ganders.
private, without immoderate bursts of But here comes the great Spanish laughter." Ass, upwards of 14 hands high. Gentlemen, you shall hear him bray.
Now, Mullion, are not all your
doubts removed ?* « BIOGRAPHICAL MEMOIR OF
I remember some months
that MR LISTON.
Snug the Joiner, in the Lion's Head, “ The subject of our memoir is line- roared out to his subscribers, that no ally descended from Johan de L'Estonne, magazine ever reviewed any new books, (see Doomesday Book, where he is so
and that therefore he was going to written,) who came in with the Conque- begin. He does so, in the New Se. ror, and had lands awarded him at Lup- ries. And with what book ?-Don ton Magna, in Kent. His particular me.
Juan!! Snug supposes that so wicked rits or services, Fabian, whose authority a book cannot have been read much, I chiefly follow, has forgotten, or perhaps and therefore he proposes to perform thought it immaterial to specify. Fuller the same operation on Don Jua thinks that he was standard-bearer to Mr Bowdler of Bath performed upon Hugo de Agmondesham, a powerful Nor. Wicked Will of Warwickshire. He
* Yes, he is an ass.-M. Mullion.
is going to reprint the poem, without when I felt an ugly smart in my neck, the naughty verses, in order that it as if something had gored it behind, and may be perused to advantage by the turning round, it was my old friend and same virgins who read the following neighbour, Dulcet, the confectioner, who, VISION OF HORNS.
meaning to be pleasant, had thrust his Yes! lo and beholda VISION OF
protuberance right into my nape, and Horns !-Why scratchest thou thy seemed proud of his power of offending." head, my dear Mullion? Why, Lon- Genius, like Elia's, can throw an air don Maga is quite a woman of the of eloquence and delicacy over the world ; nay, verily, a woman of the coarsest subject. How keen the edge town, and her mirth is most indeco- of his satire, and yet how lightly rous. How shocking must her slang wielded his weapon! “ Now,” con be to the chaste ears and “good feel tinues the ' ingenious and original ing" of her keeper, Mr Taylor! What Elia of the London,' “ I was assailed will Mrs Fry say? She used to be a right and left, till, in my own defence, very demure female, somewhat home- I was obliged to walk sideling and ly, no doubt, and not very captivating; wary, and look about me, as you guard but, although I“ thought her prattle to your eyes in London streets ; for the be tedious," there was a rosy puden- horns thickened and came at me like cy about her lips, that once a-month
the ends of umbrellas, poking in one's was not so much amiss to an old sub- face. They do not know what danscriber. But now-fye on it-equi- gerous weapons they protrude in front, voque, double-entendre, and down
and will stick their best friends with right, plain-spoken " skulduddery," provoking complacency.” How like is with her the order of the day. Now
the language of a dream! How far for the Vision of Horns.
superior to Coleridge's Kubla-Khan! The wit of the Vision is this:
Why, it is quite Shakspearean ! But Elia (God forgive him) becomes clear
hark sighted in a dream, and, to his utter
“ Desiring to be better informed of dismay, observes that every man of the ways of this extraordinary people, I his acquaintance is a-cuckold, and applied myself to a fellow of some assuthis important information he com- rance, who it appeared) acted as a sort municates, at the rate of ten guineas of interpreter to strangers—he was dressa-sheet, to London, “which is the me- ed in a military uniform, and strongly retropolis, not merely of Great Britain, sembled Colonel of the Guards; but of the whole British empire.” His —and Pray, sir,' said I, ‘have all the in. friends are all interesting characters, habitants of your city these troublesome and they all belong to the most inte- excrescences ? I beg pardon, I see you resting professions. We have Dick
have none. You perhaps are single.' Mitis, a cheesemonger; Dulcet, a con
• Truly, sir,' he replied with a smile, fectioner; Placid, an annuitant; and
for the most part we have, but not all various clerks of the India-House.
alike. There are some, like Dick, that Elia, even in his dreams, is addicted sport but one tumescence. Their ladies to the very best society; and among
have been tolerably faithfu)-have conthese delightful citizens he introduces
fined themselves to a single aberration or also no less a man than a colonel
80-these we call Unicorns. Dick, you yes, an absolute colonel in the army.
must know, is my Unicorn. (He spoke
this with an air of invincible assurance.) « Dick Mitis, the little cheesemonger Then we have Bicorns, Tricorns, and so in St -'s Passage, was the first that on up to Millecorns. [Here methought saluted me, with his hat off-you know I crossed and blessed myselfin my dream. ) Dick's way to a customer-and, I not Some again we have there goes onebeing aware of him, he thrust a strange you see how happy the rogue looksbeam into my left eye, which pained and how he walks smiling, and perking up grieved me exceedingly; but, instead of his face, as if he thought himself the only apology, he only grinned and fleered in man! He is not married yet, but on my face, as much as to say, it is the cus- Monday next he leads to the altar the tom of the country, and passed on. accomplished widow Dacres, relict of our
“ I had scarce time to send a civil late sheriff.' message to his lady-whom I have al- “I see, sir,' said I, and observe that ways admired as a pattern of a wife, and he is happily free from the national goitre, do indeed take Dick and her to be a mo- (let me call it) which distinguishes most del of conjugal agreement and harmony of your countrymen.'
u • Look a little more narrowly,' said “ I was getting insensibly pleased with my my conductor.
friend's manner!!” " I put on my spectacles, and obser
O Lord! pleased with the manner of ving the man a little more diligently, this fetid Fool! and only think “as above his forehead I could mark a thou: Virgil speaks ;" Virgil, the most elegant sand little twinkling shadows dancing the spirit of antiquity, alluded to by a horn-pipe, little hornlets, and rudiments of born, of a soft and pappy consistence in the whole conception of the con
Cockney! But, what brutal stupidity (for I handled some of them,) but which, like coral out of water, my guide infor. cern! and this too from the Essayist med me would infallibly stiffen and grow
on the genius of Hogarth ! Impossible.
1 rigid within a week or two from the ex
RAIL-WAYS. Very well, let us take piration of his bachelorhood.
& drive. Softly-softly—this article " Then I saw some horns strangely must be by the Stot. O! my prophetic growing out behind, and my interpreter soul, it is even so. For we are told, explained these to be married men, whose
“ vide the Scotsman Newspaper," &c. wives had conducted themselves with in. Now, I will be hanged if I do, “vide" finite propriety since the period of their any such vulgar idiot. But you, Mulmarriage, but were thought to have an- lion may "vide" if you choose, page 33.
" , tedated their good men's titles, by cer- “ On å well-made road a horse will tain liberties they had indulged them- draw one ton, in a cart weighing about selves in, prior to the ceremony. This 7 cwt., or about 3000lb., at a rate of two kind of gentry wore their horns back
miles an hour. On a rail-way of the best wards, as has been said, in the fashion of construction he will draw, at the same the old pig-tails; and as there was no- rate of travelling, about 15 tons; let us thing obtrusive or ostentatious in them, call this 30,000lb., for the convenience of nobody took any notice of it.”
having round numbers ; and on a canal I once more beg you, my good-feel- he will draw about 30 tons in a boat . ing friend, Mr Taylor of Fleet-street, weighing 19 tons, or about 90,0001b. publisher of so many books of practi- Hence, on a rail-way, the draught of a cal Piety, to peruse the above! Do horse is ten times, and on a canal thirty you think it fit for your young female times
, as great as on a well-made road. subscribers, sir? Is such loathsome Now, a rail-way costs about three times,
and a canal about nine times, as much as ribaldry a pretty Christmas-box, or
a good road ; and it is probable that the New-year's gift, for your town and country friends, think ye? is the pic- proportion to the original outlay. It is
expense of keeping them in repair is in ture of a cuckold a becoming frontis- obvious, therefore, if rail-ways should piece to the New Series ? Now, you come into general use, that the expense are shocked with that word. But what of transporting commodities will be about is a plain, and ugly dissyllable, in two-thirds less than on the best roads. comparison with this laboured and
“ With respect to the advantages of a clumsy strain of grossness and inde- rail-way over a canal, which is the quescency? I do not believe the real Elia tion liere principally at issue, we may obwrote this. It is liker the drunken serve, in the first place, that if a horse drivelling of the “ celebrated critic.” power effect three times as much on a But be it whose it may, it would dis- canal as on a rail-way, the original cost gust St Giles as would the following and subsequent repairs of a canal are brutality sicken Bartholomew's Hose about three times as great; consequento pital.
ly, a canal will require about the same « Some had great corneous stumps,
rates or dues to repay the proprietors as seemingly torn off and bleeding. These,
a rail-way. It must next be observed, the interpreter warned me, were hus that this comparison relates entirely to bands who had retaliated upon their the transporting of goods at two miles an wives, and the badge was in equity di. hour. Now it is easy to shew, that so vided amongst them.”
long as horse power is employed on ca
nals, and they are not sufficiently deep The Vision concludes thus, and broad to admit the application of
“ He was going on at this rate, and I steam, this rate of transporting goods was getting insensibly pleased with my cannot be increased without an increase friend's manner, (I had been a little shy of freight, which would entirely destroy of him at first,) when the dream suddenly their superiority over roads. We have left me, vanishingas Virgil speaks- seen that a horse will draw about through the gate of Horn.
90,000lb. at the rate of two miles an