"Puerile," "childish," "absurd," were spite

in general or this Clause in parti- reassured Fog again closing in, he ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.cular.... The right honourable gen- declared, "The LEADER OF THE OPPO(EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.) tleman has attended several debates, SITION has said nothing with which I House of Commons, Monday, January but evidently has not profited by listen- do not agree." 13.-Fog outside; fog inside; plenty ing to them, or he would not have Burst of hilarious cheering from of room for it here. As it broods made so foolish a speech." Ministerial Benches testified that in over half-empty benches one seems to of appearances the occupants are recognise a coronetted head not wholly unsympathetic with suggestive of House of Lords lofty sentiment and chivalrous taking look round, preliminary impulse. to making quick end of a measure that has occupied full forty days of labour in the Commons.

Business done.-Eighth day allotted to debate on Report Stage of Home Rule Bill following on twenty-seven days in Committee. House rapidly approaching state of coma. On stroke of midnight, Ministerialists roused themselves to pitch of hearty cheer when Report Stage was brought to conclusion.

Tuesday. Home Rule Bill awaiting Third Reading, Welsh Church Bill gets a look in. Welsh Bill and Irish Bill resemble each other inasmuch as mere mention of Order of the Day is signal for stampede. When, immediately after Questions, the first Order is read by Clerk at Table today, for example,

Member, he was about to say, "Members | other descriptive epithets applied to" Welsh Church Disestablishment Bill; desiring to take their seats will please the discourse. Committee"-it behoves the Sergeantcome to the Table." Just in time realised Incident evoked one of those out-at-Arms to advance to Table and reactual situation. Adroitly coughed by bursts of self-sacrificing loyalty that move the Mace, which lies upon it way of intimating that so far from from time to time ennoble Parliamentary only when, with SPEAKER in Chair, having intended to make a remark it was debate. From corner seat behind Front House is in full session. Of late this only the Fog that had got into his throat. Opposition Bench GILBERT PARKER has become a practice as perilous as Weird effect increased by glimpses listened with anguished feelings to this crossing Trafalgar Square at high-tide caught in Gallery facing SPEAKER'S attack on his esteemed LEADER. Rising of traffic. Stream of Members hurrying Chair of faces apparently bodyless. when MASON resumed his seat, the out threatens to catch up Sergeant-atThese were the strangers peering through the Fog wondering what had become of His Majesty's Ministers. With the exception of two they were certainly not in their places when Questions were called on. As for Front Opposition Bench, it was, save for the Fog, tenantless. Later, when House resumed consideration of Home Rule Bill on Report Stage, BONNER LAW turned up and, as ever, obedient to call of duty, contributed a speech criticising Clause 40.

Straightway had occasion to wish he had been altogether lost in the Fog on his way down. MASON (of Coventry), following him, administered castigation so vigorous that as he spoke the Fog in his immediate neighbourhood judiciously cleared away, leaving him standing out as it were in a halo of light.

"The LEADER OF THE OPPOSITION," he said, "does not appear to understand the Bill

"OUTBURST OF SELF-SACRIFICING LOYALTY."

"The LEADER OF THE OPPOSITION has said nothing with which I do not agree."

Arms and carry him forth on crest of wave. Only natural grace and long - trained habit enable Sir DAVID ERSKINE to stem the current with dignity, not to speak of personal safety.

Those who remain to carry on debate make up in vigour of speech for lack of numbers. Considering we are talking about a venerated Church, with its retinue of bishops, rectors, vicars, and all that, not forgetting the charwoman, our language is occasionally awful.

Charwoman, probably engaged elsewhere, turned up quite late in sitting. Was armed in by JONES of MerthyrTydvil. Question arose on proposal to compensate lay patrons and lay holders of freehold offices in the Church. It was here that EDGAR JONES dramatically appeared on scene with simpering charwoman on his

opening passage of speech moving re-
jection of the Bill.

THE RED HEADS.

rector, and if she got it in common with the rest "practically every penny the Bill proposed to take away would get "The whole course of our proceedings A GREAT meeting was held in the back into the pockets of the Church." reminds me," he said, "of those old Scarlet Town Hall, under the auspices Here broke forth flood of vituperation comedies of intrigue in which the chief of the Rufus League, on Friday last, before which even the charwoman schemer goes to each one of the sub- to discuss the alleged decrease in the winced. Earlier in sitting, LORD BOB, ordinate characters in turn, and, giving numbers of red-headed people and to who is thoroughly enjoying himself, a different version of his object, induces devise means to defeat it. The Rufus described UNDER SECRETARY FOR HOME them by separate methods to carry out League, we may add, was originally OFFICE as "the villain in a melodrama." his policy and finally leaves them all founded by the Norman king of that COUSIN HUGH, not to be out of it, de- dupes." name, and has always consisted of clared "the Government ought to be Hereupon, ripple of cachinnation twenty-two members, who are known ashamed of putting words into a clause rising from Treasury Bench swelled familiarly as the Twenty-two Carrots. with a view to secure by law that into roar of laughter and ironical The Chair was taken by the Presiinjustice should be accomplished." As applause. PRINCE ARTHUR stood a dent, Sir RUFUS ISAACS, who, in to EDGAR JONES and the charwoman, moment in silent amazement. Turning accordance with the rules, opened the CRIPPS, fresh from the cooler Court of round, he asked BONNER LAW what it proceedings by singing O Ruddier Arbitration, telephoned the assertion meant. BONNER Sagely shook his head. than the Cherry," the anthem of the that "Welsh Members approach the League. He then called on the SecBill with sole desire to see what plunretary, the Right Hon. Lord Justice der they can get." Tout le MOND Cherry-to whom we believe HANDEL (ALFRED) venturing to do a few sums on dedicated the song in question-to an imaginary blackboard, LYTTELTON read the letters from various members scornfully alluded to "his more maligand sympathisers who were unable to nant associates," rude reference that attend. Foremost amongst them was caused BRYNMOR JONES to blush to the a spirited contribution from Mr. RUDDY roots of his hair. KIPLING, two lines of which we are allowed to reproduce by kind permission of his publishers:

Unkindest, least deserved cut of all was slashed at the MAD HATTER. GOULDING moved closure. The MAD HATTER, at the moment seated in deep thought, stirred himself and said, "After the smashing speeches delivered on this side the only Member who ventures to rise from opposite benches wants to have the Question now put. There is nothing more to be said."

Metaphorically wrapping his blanket about him, after fashion of the Red Indian whose customary formula for bringing his remarks to a finale-"Topof-the-River has spoken "-he paraphrased, he resumed his seat. And what does the British public think was the response this dignified interposition met with?

"Go on, Harlequin," one, happily anonymous, cried from Opposition Benches. Harlequin, quotha!

Cry taken up in various quarters. MAD HATTER rose again; greeted with roar of contumely; above it, clariontongued, rang his voice: "On a point of order, Sir."

Just on stroke of half past ten, whilst Opposition roared and MAD HATTER, during momentary pauses, shouted "On a point of order," blade of guillotine fell. Division took place; Charwoman Amendment defeated by

291 to 179.

Business done.-Getting on nicely with Welsh Disestablishment Bill.

Thursday.-Home Rule Bill read a third time. It is now on the knees of the Lords.

Most interesting episode in two nights' not oppressively brilliant debate was PRINCE ARTHUR'S dilemma in the

"Armed in by JONES of Merthyr-Tydvil."

"I thought," said PRINCE ARTHUR, when uproar had subsided, "I was not usually slow in detecting what the House expresses in the least articulate fashion. But honestly I do not know on this occasion how I have earned the warm approval of so many gentlemen on both sides by the same observation." Here there was fresh outburst of genial laughter.

"None but he," said the MEMBER FOR SARK, looking admiringly at his old favourite, "a master of phrases, could with equal brevity, more accuracy, and fuller measure of the picturesque, have described his own position when, ten years ago, he, being Premier, was manoeuvring round Tariff Reform."

Business done.-Home Rule Bill read a third time by 367 votes against 257.

Asking for it.

"While a party were returning by motor car from Onich to Fort William, the car skidded near Deorriechoarochan."--The Scotsman.

Never the dingo dozes, never the bulrushes shoot

But a red-polled son of England starts out on the All-Red route."

The POET LAUREATE in a remarkable letter pointed out that GOLDSMITH began one of his most famous poems with the words "Sweet Auburn."

Mr. HALL CAINE, who enclosed a photograph of himself taken by the new chrono-chrome process, wrote that, if he might be permitted to jest on such a subject, nothing was red about BACON except his works, while SHAKSPEARE, like BAYARD and Another who should be nameless, favoured in his chevelure the hue immortalized in the portraits of TITIAN.

Dr. C. W. SALEEBY, the famous Professor of Eugenics, sent a brief but momentous memorandum on the best means of fostering the red corpuscles which conduce to the pigmentation of the capillary follicles. In his opinion. this could be best arrived at by a diet of tomatoes, ginger and beetroot, washed down by liberal potations of Burgundy, Barolo and Chianti.

Sir RUFUS ISAACS, who was much moved during the reading of the last letter, then addressed the meeting. He began by reminding them that his own presence there in such an exalted position was due rather to his name than his mane. He then went on to enumerate the losses which England would suffer if this picturesque feature of her rural and civic life were allowed to die out. A red-haired man, wherever seen, never failed to bring into the

Man in Front Row. "THE ACCOMPANIST PLEASES ME, SIR. THE TONE HE GETS OUT OF THAT 'CELLO FOR A MAN WITH ▲ WOODEN LEG IS WONDERFUL."

prospect that warm touch which artists must not lose hope. He himself, as could he retain his membership. as different as COROT and LANDSEER a member of the most optimistic (Uproar, during which the meeting reso esteemed; while a red-haired girl, Cabinet of recent times, would never solved itself into a free fight, everybody wherever seen, was like a glint of gold. do so. (Renewed cheers.) seeing red.) (Loud cheers.) Were they to dis- Mr. BERNARD SHAW, who apologised appear, what would become of that for being not so fiery as he once was, curious enactment of nature which the alloy of old age having dimmed provided that whenever one met a red- his furnace-in other words, grey hair business, many dinner parties being held to haired girl one could see at the same having supervened-then spoke. He partake of the special men which had been

time a white horse? Scientists had said that as a descendant of OWEN ROE

The Cannibals.

"The restaurant was also doing a large

provided."-Bombay Gazette.

19

over with

for centuries puzzled their brains to O'NEILL and a sympathiser with the A correspondent, whose heart is in explain why this was, but in vain. Red Hand of Ulster, though at the same the right place, complains of the way Yet the strange fact remained. As to time a fervent supporter of maintaining in which her letters have been treated what were the causes of the decrease the Green above the Red, he fully ap- in the pillar-boxes. They come to her, in red hair no one could rightly say. proved of the aims and objects of the she says, "smeared all Many Unionists believed that the League. He called upon his twenty-one suffragetted hydrogen.' Government at large, and Mr. LLOYD fellow Carrots to pledge themselves to GEORGE in particular, had discouraged do everything in their power to impress it, and were to be blamed in the matter. upon Society the merits of ruddiness. But when they remembered that Mr. He himself was writing a play to that LLOYD GEORGE was named after DAVID, end. (Cheers.) With Dr. SALEEBY'S the ruddy antagonist of the Philistines, excellent programme he found himself they could hardly accept this view. in agreement, except as regarded the He himself saw some hope for the beverages. For the wines named he of Samuel Taylor Coleridge and the late "In connection with a possible association future from Canada, in view of the would suggest substituting ginger ale Samuel Coleridge Taylor, it is stated that notoriously red hair of General WOLFE.-(marked depression) and red ink-such is not the case."-Musical News. (Cheers.) Whatever they did, they (groans). Only on those conditions So now we can all breathe again.

"The offertory box inside the church porch, at St. Paul's Church, Fairhaven, was broken open between Monday at noon and yesterday.

If you want a fine dramatic treat, go and see The Thief' at the Pier Pavilion tonight."-Lytham Standard.