the other fellow with an item of news, the men who achieve the previous four hundred pages or thereabouts he had been it must not rely on that alone and be wholly devoid of a a member of the secular priesthood of Ireland, and, allowsense of humour, style and proportion if they are to claim ing the usual discount for odium theologicum, Mr. GERALD superiority in merits and power over the journalist of the O'DONOVAN makes out an exceedingly plausible case for the other type, of whose printed opinions the influence is still blackness of that particular body. Ignorant for the most felt. The book contains a résumé of many recent cries of part and sordidly self-seeking, they are opposed, according the halfpenny press, a number of rather pointless anecdotes, to this writer, to all the best interests of Erin, and are the a personal observation of the Russian people not without real enemy of Home Rule, the best chance for that measure interest, and a rather ridiculous study of Lord NORTHCLIFFE, lying apparently in the modernism which aims at dairy who deserves a more intelligent summing up than this: co-operation, the revival of Gaelic, and a certain amount of "Ruthless and merciless is he. . . . He sees things, and he tolerance in religious thought. Father Ralph, a brilliant knows not why he sees them." youth destined from early boyhood for the Church, became gradually disillusioned by the system of his theological These prophetic novelists seem a vastly uncomfortable seminary and the characters of his bishop and superior set. Times without number they have smashed, deluged priest, and finally revolted when the " lamentabili sane and devastated our poor earth. The latest to join the doleful decree appeared to destroy all possibility of reform. The company is Mr. J. D. BERESFORD, whose fancy, as depicted author writes so well that personally I am sorry he did not in Goslings (HEINEMANN), is for a subtle form of pestilence treat me to a novel instead of a thesis in romantic form; that practically wipes the male population off the face of but I have little doubt that his book will figure in the the globe. Most of AIDS TO MEMORY catalogues of most of our circulating libraries. In any case there is one Index where it is quite certain of securing a prominent place. Father Ralph, by the way, has now sailed to the New World, wearing a lounge suit and a lay collar of unspecified pattern. I wish him every success. the women are spared, with here and there an isolated example of the sterner sex -Mr. Gosling himself, a resourceful engineer named Thrale, who is the hero of the book, and a young butcher who lived at High Wycombe. The situation, you observe, is one suggestive of comedyAt the very outset of with perhaps a musical In the Grip of Destiny accompaniment. Mr. (ALLEN) we find a conBERESFORD however vict in Siberia swearing elects to treat it in all that "as surely as seriousness. Gosling, I Heaven's lightning has am sorry to say, disblasted this pine-tree so appears from his placid surely will I avenge suburban family, and myself upon that fiend from the reader, somein human shape whose what early in the time black treachery has of terror. You are left sent me here." If into infer his subsequent clined to be melodraproceedings from the pungent character-sketch of him as he | matic this man undoubtedly meant business, and so it was in the old pre-pestilence life. Thrale settles down as is a little disappointing to be switched off suddenly to joint-leader of a feminine community at Marlow. As for Ilfracombe, and for some time to lose sight of him. Not the young butcher, the less said of him the better. An that things were unexciting in Devonshire, for very soon absorbing and amusing tale, which I liked best in the mock a remarkably fine game-of "hunt the pebble," if I may call realism of the early chapters, where the coming of the it so-was in full swing. This pebble is the key to the plague and the general disintegration of ordered society story, and in the pursuit of it Mr. CHARLES STERREY piles are told in delightful fashion. Later I seemed to feel that sensation upon sensation, making it the foundation-stone the magnitude of the situation he had created weighed upon of the most bewildering plots and counterplots. Our old Mr. BERESFORD to the detriment of his art. The arrival of friends the stupid local police are once again trotted out for a liner from America full of men could only be regarded as ridicule, but this time I found them a welcome relief from an evasion, and a cowardly one at that. But its appear- the bloodthirsty ruffians who baffled them. And I am ance, and the race on bicycles of hero and heroine to meet also grateful for my introduction to the Polish Countess, it at Southampton, provide an excellent final thrill. who was, without flattery, a superb fiend. When I ultimately discovered that the Siberian convict was married to On page 493 the eponymous hero of Father Ralph (MAC- this diabolical woman I ceased to wonder at the ferocity of MILLAN) took up his clerical collar and looked at it his oath. A love-interest is provided for those who want curiously. He smiled as he thought of how he had dreaded it, but Mr. STERREY devotes more attention to his criminals laying it aside: and now there was only a sense of escape than to his philanderers, and it is only as an amazing from bondage, of freedom." I have noticed a good many sensationalist that he can be recommended. lines in Anglican neck-linen about which I believe I should CANDIDATES FOR THE OFFICE OF CITY REMEMBRANCER ATTENDING A KNOTTYING CLASS. have felt like that if I had ever been compelled to put them on; but Father Ralph of course was speaking with a spiritual significance about the yoke of Rome; for during Crime also seems to need brightening. CHARIVARIA. IT is rumoured that Lord MURRAY'S prolonged absence in South America is due to the best of reasons. He is anxious to secure contracts for oil to pour on troubled waters. ** that a note of the following proposal had was foretold to Mr. DOUGLAS some ** * * The suggestion that the recent fire We understand that when the bag of at MUDIE'S may have been due to flour was thrown at Mr. ASQUITH last spontaneous combustion on the part of It does not say much for the enter-week the PREMIER at first took it to be certain "advanced" novels is endorsed prise of our fashion journals that none an argument against Free Food, the by a statement in The Evening News. of them has, in view of the possibility subject upon which he was speaking at "The library proper," says our contemof a lady being appointed Poet Laureate, the time. porary in its account of the conflagrapublished an illustrated article on the tion, "suffered no damage." most becoming mode of wearing the bays. The poet PYE, we are told in The Observer, was the most conscientious of the Laureates. He used to turn out Birthday Odes with the precision of clock-work, and these were read out to KING GEORGE III. at his birthday parties. His Majesty ultimately became insane. With reference to the charge of "Sweating Sovereigns" which was gone into at Preston last week, we have received several letters from crowned heads complaining of the miserable pittances upon which they are expected to live. At the recent show of the Pekingese Club a It is stated that there are no militant suffragettes in the Isle of Man. Manx Three hundred boys escaped without cats, as is well known, have no tails, mishap from a fire which destroyed St. and the HOME SECRETARY is again John's School, Leatherhead, last week. being urged to try the effect of cutting The only regrettable feature of the off the hair of his Suffragette prisoners. incident is a denial of the statement that it required the most strenuous efforts on the part of the masters to prevent the boys from dashing into the Some statistics just published show that Bournemouth and Eastbourne are "THEY SAY THIS PUNTING IS DIFFICULT, BUT I CAN'T SEE YET WHERE THE policeman stood guard TROUBLE COMES IN." over one of the most burning building to save their school-books. valuable exhibits to the obvious the places where spinsters are most | cinema purposes, in which 4,000 players annoyance of the little smug-faced dog numerous. Few can have failed to in question, who feared that it might notice what a harassed look the male lead the unthinking public to take inhabitants of those towns have worn him for a desperate criminal or a mili- for some time past. tant. Lady TREE, discussing the revival of Sir CHARLES WYNDHAM's suggestion fringes for women, said to an interthat telephone - users should make a viewer last week, "Women with really point of writing a letter to the POST- intellectual foreheads should not wear MASTER-GENERAL detailing each cause them." Personally, we always wear of complaint that has occurred during ours. the day has the hearty support of the Rt. Honble. SAMUEL, who looks forward to a large and permanent increase in the revenue from the sale of postage stamps as a result of this proposal. ** Señor Dr. DON SALAS has arrived in London on a special mission from the Argentine Government to thank KING GEORGE for the visit of the British Fleet in 1910. No one seems to trusti the Post Office nowadays. ** Mr. JAMES A. DOUGLAS, a spiritualist, produced last week at the Aldwych Theatre what has been declared to be It transpired during the trial of the the worst play in London. According The Marconi Report. More whitewash!" said the FAL- Doing the Party trick; "Throw it about in bucketfuls; "Lord Savile (18) beat Mrs. S. Roberts, M.P. (18) by 3 and 2."-" The Daily Telegraph reporting the Parliamentary Golf Handicap. "THE BISHOP OF WINCHESTER ON THE STAGE."-The Times. Suffragette leaders at the Old Bailey to Light, the production of his play Mr. GEORGE GRAVES must look out. A CABLE TO QUITO. The CHAIRMAN OF THE MARCONI COMMITTEE to MURRAY, you should be with us at this hour! We would not have you hurry, MURRAY, Not for your own ends but for Messrs. PEARSON'S; We know your motto, fixed as fate, Was ever"Duty first; let Pleasure wait;" Yet, could you read what even Liberals say Of truths extracted like reluctant molars, You would not linger longer, not a day, But fling yourself across the estranging rollers, Cutting the prior claims of Quito (Bis venit, I may add, qui venit cito). For your appearance in our First Report Occurs by proxy only; but I've reckoned Meanwhile, en route, our wireless stations The spoken word is always nicer; Yours (less in wrath than sorrow), ALBERT SPICER. "What are you doing down there?" he continued. Think as I would, I could not hit on an evasive answer; besides, my throat was curiously dry and did not lend itself to conversation. But this Hodgkinson was bent on conversing, so he went back to his room and explained to his wife how right everything was in this best of worlds. His wife, however, was clearly of opinion that she had heard something, and, as I proceeded with my work not without trepidation, she was even more certain that she had heard something else. No doubt she was right; there was certainly plenty to hear. So back came Hodgkinson, determined to extract some information out of me. I confess to being then a little nervous and almost upset upon realizing that here was Hodgkinson coming downstairs. For all I knew, he carried a revolver; and I had heard dreadful accounts of the lengths to which householders will go in their dangerous business of householding. I had an instinctive feeling that, pleasant place though 199, South Audley Street, W., might be, it was no place for me. Even as I was seriously thinking of changing my address, the hall was flooded with a brilliant light. I hate too much light, for it gives me a headache; so that decided me, and I moved towards the door. Meanwhile this Hodgkinson, if you will believe me, heaved a sigh of intense relief. "Oh!" he said, "it's only you, is it?" Only! Then he tried to be severe. "You have no business to give us such a fright," he continued. "We thought you were a Suffragette.' I retired once and for all from 199, South Audley Street, W. and the profession in disgust. CHERCHEZ LA FEMME. I'm a burglar. O. S. I say, I'm a burglar. There is no catch in it. My occupation, when I am at liberty to follow it, is burglariously breaking and entering dwelling-houses with intent to commit a felony therein. I am the man of whom you are afraid by night. I also am the man who is afraid of you by night. You are always hearing me moving about down stairs, when in fact I'm elsewhere; I am always hearing you moving about upstairs, when in fact you are asleep. It is nervous work for both of us, isn't it? Or rather, I used to be a burglar. It was in consequence of a remark addressed to me by a man named Hodgkinson that I gave up the business. Do you know the Hodgkinsons of 199, South Audley Street, W.? No? No more do I, but nevertheless I thought I might while away an hour or two at their house as well as anywhere else. The servants having gone to bed when I arrived, I had to unpack my bag myself. It is a whim of mine to do this in the dark-a foolish whim, perhaps, as I always end by dropping something and breaking something else. One has to be a burglar to learn what a lot of glass there is in the world ready to create a disturbance on the slightest. provocation. THE CONSCIENTIOUS PROGRAMME. THE latest revue, just produced at the Collodeum, entitled Mind the Step, differs from its predecessors in no way except in the frankness of its programme, portions of which we are, in the interest of fairness, pleased to quote: "MIND THE STEP." A New and Original Revue, in Four Acts. First Scenario by Digby Morrison. Revision of same by Arthur Kaster. Title by a luncheon party at Kimono's. Humorous interlude in First Act by Chauncy Jones. Joke in Second Act by Charles J. Masterman. Joke in Third Act by J. Wilbraham Kank. All other jokes by the Gotham Stunt Family. Music conveyed from various places and arranged by Leon Bolovitch. Original lyric in Act II. written by Harry Bolder. Sensational spectacle in First and Third Acts Ballet in Second and Fourth Acts from Paris. Costumes by Willier from designs made in France, Germany and Russia. Wigs from the usual place. The revue produced for a few days by Ben Lomino; then taken over by Argyll Laburnum; and finally completed by Arthur Kaster. Dances adapted by Charter Fish. "The Four and Twenty Peaches" collected from various American cities by Hiram Baskervil. Their complexions by Laurie et Cie, &c. &c. &c. |