"THESE FINE OLD THEOLOGICAL WORKS DON'T APPEAR TO BE A VERY SALEABLE COMMODITY WITH YOU, MY MAN." LYRA LUNATICA. I. [Attributed to the effect (on an inmate) of The IF only a mare has a kindly heart Tho' she nest in the shafts of a market JI. ["The districts of Banjaluka and Bi-Gatch Still finds a refuge for Old Scratch; Or the fork of a chestnut-tree; dense, Or out in the new-mown hay, If I see but a trace of benevolence, If the nest of a mare displays no spite When harbouring its young, My withers are still unwrung; I should not mind it much. I can do with a snark or a basilisk, Or a phoenix free from vice, My wits are tolerably brisk I do indeed, Bi-Gatch! The Turk finds solace in his hookah; Great Britain glories in Bonduca; The States in Mrs. Wiggs's patch; COMPENSATION AT LAST. recorded in deathless ink. A few days ago I was introduced to a man named Wilverley. This morning "So, so, thanks," I admitted grudgingly. Was it concert tickets, I wondered, or fountain pens, or a loan? "What a lovely morning!" he continued, waving his hand patronisingly towards the heavens. "Beautiful morning!" "Pretty fair," I replied, " considering all things." And then I saw what it was. Protruding from his breast pocket was a folded paper, upon the top of which I could distinguish the words "Insurance Company." "Well, good-bye, Mr. Wilverley," I said, "I must be getting on to the office." 66 66 "Good-bye, Mr. Smith," said he. Oh, by the way," he added, are you insured? I'm agent for the—” "Oh, yes," I answered unhesitatingly. "Been insured ever since last July. But I shall be pleased to recommend any of my friends to you. Good-bye." As I made good my escape I reflected that, though poverty is an essential qualification for the enjoyment of its privileges, there is something after all to be said for the Stamp-licking Act. I met him in the street, and he greeted An advertisement reaches us of a But a thing there is no brain can bear, me with a friendliness which at once" Patent Slug Trap": Yea, two my reason test The nest of a too malicious mare, And a mare's malicious nest. aroused my suspicions. "Price 1/6 each; 2 for 3/5; 3 for 5/-; & for "Good morning, Mr. Smith," he 9/6." BRITANNIA. THE WINGS OF VICTORY. THESE THINGS SEEM ALL THE RAGE IN PARIS AND BERLIN; AND I REALLY CAN'T AFFORD TO BE OUT OF IT." ESSENCE OF PARLIA MENT. (EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.) House of Lords, Monday, May 5.- Lord NEWTON'S conspicuous success as a Parliament man is result of education in several schools. To diplomacy he gave six years of a young life. He was trained in War by the Imperial Yeomanry. Best of all, he sat in the House of Commons for thirteen years. With exception of Lord ROSEBERY, ever a star apart, and Lord LANSDOWNE, handicapped by circumstance, all prominent peers have served apprenticeship in rough-riding school of House of Commons and have benefited accordingly. Lord HALSBURY has certain dominant qualities constitutionally congenial to the hereditary Chamber. To complete the fitness of things he ought to have been born to a coroneted crib. As it is he stands almost the last survivor of that full-blooded courageous Conservatism which sixty years ago was the very life of House of Lords. Yet he too passed through the mill. A full eight years he represented Launceston in the Commons. His associations with the place were not calculated to endear its memory. To begin with, unlike STERNE'S imprisoned bird who "could not get out," he couldn't get in. For nearly two years he held office as Solicitor-General without a seat in Parliament. Crushed at Cardiff, left in the lurch at Launceston, hustled at Horsham, named as probable starter at every election race in the three kingdoms, the blushing borough of Launceston, on second wooing, yielded to his ardent advances. Then came catastrophe. Arrived at Table with intent to take the oath, he was challenged by the Clerk for production of writ of return. He hadn't got it, at least couldn't find it. In full gaze of four hundred gentlemen, quizzing, laughing and cheering, he proceeded to make deliberate search among contents of his pockets. Never before was man unconnected with the Post Office discovered in possession of so many letters. In course of searchi Table was littered as if a mail-bag had burst open. In the endand such an unconscionably long way to the end!-the document "Almost the last survivor." (Lord HALSBURY.) was found in his hat below the Bar where he had left it when waiting to be called up by the SPEAKER. That is long ago. The HARDINGE GIFFARD of the 'seventies has blossomed into the Earl of HALSBURY, who crowned a prolonged and useful career by leading attack on the Budget, which in swift M. Lord NEWTON at the final fence in the "Betting Inducement" Stakes. succession of courses resulted in its being thrown out, the passing of the Parliament Act, and the present position of the long predominant partner in the legislative firm. Lord NEWTON, being, as he said to-night, "of abnormally modest disposition," has since he went to the House of Lords worked more obscurely. In his too-infrequent speeches he brings to a jaded atmosphere wholesome whiffs of House of Commons' manner. However dull debate may be, when he rises to continue it instant change is wrought. The sun shines where of late leaden clouds prevailed. His humour is inclined to be mordant but is not therefore less acceptable. Noble lords who bestow the decorous tribute of a smile upon peers disposed to make merriment have more than once been known to laugh heartily at Lord NEWTON'S quips and cranks. Withal he is a man of business, as is testified by the success with which he piloted on its way to the Statute Book an exceptionally difficult Bill. Business done.-Lord NEWTON'S Betting Inducement Bill passed through Committee and read a third time. House adjourned for Whitsun Recess. House of Commons, Tuesday.-Variable in its moods, of late the prevalent one dolefully dull, the House to-night rose to highest level. Apart from particular question at issue, circum stances peculiar, even unique. By common consent, and indeed of necessity, agreed that problem of Female Suffrage shall stand outside the arena of Party politics. Necessity arises from recognition that on this topic Ministerialists and the Opposition are pretty equally divided among themselves. On Treasury Bench to-night PRIME MINISTER and FOREIGN SECRETARY answered each other and voted in different Lobbies. On Front Opposition Bench there is parallel situation. Here was opportunity to reach the ideal of conference-a state of things in which, fearless of the Whip, ignoring prejudice, men on both sides might proclaim the faith that is in them and by reasoned argument endeavour to convince those who denounced it. Happily PREMIER interposed early in debate, lifting it on to lofty plane, from which it did not fall. As he said, his was Business done.-Female Suffrage Bill Thursday-Adjourned for Whitsun "What on earth for?" I asked rather shortly. The drawing-room is an uncomfortable room, and my Aunt doesn't allow smoking. 66 A bet, of course." It seems rather futile. The horse will probably ruin your hat. He'll shake it off and trample on it." a difficult position. He found him- | Tellers presently returned with newe | I'm going to put my new Summer hat self at issue not only with large that the Bill proposing to add six on a horse." She smiled at me. numbers of his supporters, but with million women to the Parliamentary Members of his Cabinet. Crowded electoral register had been refused a House touched by personal note of his Second Reading by 266 votes against reference to Sir EDWARD GREY, a friend 219. of twenty-seven years' ever-growing intimacy, with whom he now found thrown out. himself at odds. FOREIGN SECRETARY'S response to this lament equally touching in its simplicity and dignity. WALTER LONG crowned an episode peculiar to, perhaps only possible in, the House of Commons. Amid general cheering he paid tribute to "the fine courage and unruffled dignity with which the PRIME MINISTER had faced that opposition of a kind was a discredit and a disgrace to the whole country." MARJORIE ON THE TURF. I WAS considering a voluminous brief when the telephone rang. 66 "Yes," I said. "Is that you, Dick?" said a girl's voice. 66 I'm not sure," I replied guardedly. "Who is that? "Me, Marjorie, your cousin. Your father was my mother's brother, you know." 'Enough," I said. "Good morning, Marjorie.' "Good morning. I say, Dick, do Anticipated that much would be said about the women who during past twelve months have supplied objectlessons of the fitness of their sex to exercise the franchise by blowing up houses, assaulting Cabinet Ministers, attempting to burn a crowded theatre, polluting pillar letter-boxes and turning their private residences into laboratories for concoction of infernal machines. Here again example set by PREMIER good-bye." prevailed. He generously ignored ad- I returned to the brief, marvelling. vantage these unwomanly pranks lent Marjorie, I reflected, was a butterfly; to his argument. LORD BOB, greatly business, on the other hand, was daring, dragged in DEBORAH, whom business. "Yes, I'm in an awful hurry now; F. E. SMITH in a sparkling specch I pondered on the matter for the At eleven o'clock crowded House melted away into Division Lobbies. It was about half-past six when I arrived at my Aunt's house. Marjorie met me in the hall and conducted me mysteriously into the drawing-room. "Now," she began, "I've got a brilliant idea. You'll never guess it. "Don't be absurd," said Marjorie. "I'm going to back a horse with the money for my new hat." I looked at her sternly. "I don't approve of girls on the turf." 66 66 I can't help that." Neither does Aunt Lillian." Marjorie laughed. "She won't know. Now here's three pounds. Will you put it on Belinda? They are taking and offering ten to one, so I shall get thirty pounds." She handed me two sovereigns and a lot of silver. |