Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain“I didn’t decide to become anorexic. It snuck up on me disguised as a healthy diet, a professional attitude. Being as thin as possible was a way to make the job of being an actress easier . . .” Portia de Rossi weighed only 82 pounds when she collapsed on the set of the Hollywood film in which she was playing her first leading role. This should have been the culmination of all her years of hard work—first as a child model in Australia, then as a cast member of one of the hottest shows on American television. On the outside she was thin and blond, glamorous and successful. On the inside, she was literally dying. In this searing, unflinchingly honest book, Portia de Rossi captures the complex emotional truth of what it is like when food, weight, and body image take priority over every other human impulse or action. She recounts the elaborate rituals around eating that came to dominate hours of every day, from keeping her daily calorie intake below 300 to eating precisely measured amounts of food out of specific bowls and only with certain utensils. When this wasn’t enough, she resorted to purging and compulsive physical exercise, driving her body and spirit to the breaking point. Even as she rose to fame as a cast member of the hit television shows Ally McBeal and Arrested Development, Portia alternately starved herself and binged, all the while terrified that the truth of her sexuality would be exposed in the tabloids. She reveals the heartache and fear that accompany a life lived in the closet, a sense of isolation that was only magnified by her unrelenting desire to be ever thinner. With the storytelling skills of a great novelist and the eye for detail of a poet, Portia makes transparent as never before the behaviors and emotions of someone living with an eating disorder. From her lowest point, Portia began the painful climb back to a life of health and honesty, falling in love with and eventually marrying Ellen DeGeneres, and emerging as an outspoken and articulate advocate for gay rights and women’s health issues. In this remarkable and beautifully written work, Portia shines a bright light on a dark subject. A crucial book for all those who might sometimes feel at war with themselves or their bodies, Unbearable Lightness is a story that inspires hope and nourishes the spirit. |
Contents
Section 1 | 3 |
Section 2 | 11 |
Section 3 | 17 |
Section 4 | 23 |
Section 5 | 31 |
Section 6 | 37 |
Section 7 | 43 |
Section 8 | 59 |
Section 18 | 145 |
Section 19 | 155 |
Section 20 | 167 |
Section 21 | 173 |
Section 22 | 185 |
Section 23 | 193 |
Section 24 | 207 |
Section 25 | 219 |
Section 9 | 65 |
Section 10 | 73 |
Section 11 | 83 |
Section 12 | 89 |
Section 13 | 99 |
Section 14 | 105 |
Section 15 | 113 |
Section 16 | 127 |
Section 17 | 133 |
Section 26 | 225 |
Section 27 | 235 |
Section 28 | 243 |
Section 29 | 253 |
Section 30 | 261 |
Section 31 | 275 |
Section 32 | 307 |
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Common terms and phrases
actress Ally McBeal Amanda Rogers anorexia anymore asked Australia Bean better Beverly Center binge body brother calories Capri pants Carolyn cigarette clothes coffee diet door dressing room drink eating disorder egg whites Ellen excitement eyes face feel felt floor gain weight girl going hair hated head Jenny Craig Kali knew L'Oréal legs lesbian living looked lose weight lunch makeup morning mother movie needed never night okay paparazzi penthouse apartment Peter MacNicol photo shoot Portia de Rossi pounds Sacha scene seemed sitting skinny skirt smile smoke someone Splenda stomach stopped stupid Suzanne talk tell thighs thin thing thought Tim Tams told Tom Cruise took treadmill trying tuna voice waiting walked wanted watched wearing weeks weight loss woman wondered workout worried would've yelled yogurt وو