The Mourner's Dance: What We Do When People Die

Front Cover
Macmillan, 2004 - Family & Relationships - 336 pages

When her daughter's fiancé died suddenly, Katherine Ashenburg was surprised to see how her daughter intuitively re-created the traditional rituals of mourning, even those of which she was ignorant. Intrigued, Ashenburg began to explore the rich and endlessly inventive choreographies different cultures and times have devised to mark a universal and deeply felt plight.

Contemporary North American culture favors a mourning that is private and virtually invisible. But, as Ashenburg reveals, the grieving customs of the past were so integrated into daily life that ultimately they gave rise to public parks and ready-to-wear clothing. Our keepsakes, prescribed bereavement garb, resting places, mourning etiquette; and ways of commiserating from wakes to Internet support groups remain clues to our most elemental beliefs, and our most effective means of restoring selves, and communities, unraveled by loss.

 

Contents

Prologue
3
The Bustle in a House
9
Wailing Time
33
The Celebration
51
Final Destination
76
After Great Pain
110
How to Mourn
126
The Gender of Mourning
157
Sad Clothes
185
Sorrow Shared
207
Keepsakes
233
As Gently As Possible
260
Notes
283
References
295
Acknowledgments
311
Copyright

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About the author (2004)

Katherine Ashenburg is a journalist, lecturer, and regular contributor to The New York Times. Her books include The Mourner’s Dance and The Dirt on Clean.

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